For as long as I can remember I have longed for home.
Not just a physical structure, but a place where it truly feels that I belong. A space, a community, a location that nourishes my soul.
The one spot I truly want to be.
Every time we have bought a home or moved, I have hoped and prayed that I will find it. That we will put down roots, stay put, and really find home.
I have found it partially everywhere we have been.
I loved the community we lived in in Salt Lake. The old houses and streets lined with sycamore and maple trees. I loved how walkable it was, just getting outside to stroll to Emigration Market for a few items for dinner, or the library or park. I loved our proximity to the city and the programs that my girls participated in there.
I loved our home in Virginia. I loved the space. I loved how quiet it was. I loved my view of the trees, the actual forest in my backyard, where I would hike down and forget I was even at home. I loved our large basement, and double decks. I loved my large kitchen counter to which my girls could pull up stools and help cook. I loved how easy it was to entertain in the space. I loved the beauty of springs and falls in Virginia, our proximity to DC and so many amazing historic and cultural locations.
I love our neighborhood in Boise. I love how easy it is for my girls to play with friends and the great families that live all around us. I love the elementary school and the library. I enjoy the open space and how safe I feel letting my kids explore outside.
Each place has brought a part of what I am seeking. But, I am hoping that maybe it is possible to finally find it all. To settle down, and make a place our own, and stay awhile.
We finally (again) finished the improvements on our home in Boise, just to put it up for sale. For those who have wondered about where we are, here it is -- all done -- and ready for a buyer.
http://www.idahorealestatetours.com/tours/12749n12thAve_u.htm
I wonder sometimes if it is possible for us to find a place that really, fully, in every way feels like home. I am not sure. Right now the closest thing I have is a floor plan with lots of scribbles on it and a dream in my heart, but maybe at the end of this path, after our temporary stay in St. George is over and we go wherever else the business adventure takes us, we will be able to find a place we can finally call home.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Great Leap of Faith
"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
I am not a girl who likes to dive into anything.
Not at all.
Even at the pool, I am not a diver. I am a dip my toes into the water and then slowly wade in deeper to test the conditions, determine if I like the temperature, get in a little more, and gradually make my way around -- ensuring I never get in over my head but can always keep my feet on the ground -- sort of girl.
I am a planner. A thinker. A figure-out-all-the-details-you-can-in-advance person.
I do not like the unknown. I do not really like surprises.
I like to be well-informed; comfortable; in control.
Consequently, I often can miss out on fun opportunities. It is just too hard for me to get past the initial fear and discomfort of what I do not know.
I remember visiting my cousins in Vancouver, Washington at age eight. The back of their house was filled with forested land, tall mature trees that canopied the entire space. It was stunning.
On one tree, my uncle had rigged up a rope swing. A thick, worn rope with a loop at the bottom through which one could place their foot. My cousins demonstrated with ease: you just climbed up on the roof of the nearby garage, put your foot through the hole, held on tight with both hands, and jumped down. The rope would catch and swing back and forth, while the delighted children and teens swung up high into the leaves that blanketed the sky.
Oh! It looked so very fun. Exhilarating even. My younger sister fearlessly climbed up and swung, attesting to the joy. But, I? I could not do it. It took hours to get up my courage to climb to the edge of the roof. And, then, I just sat. I dug deep, but I lacked the courage to risk the free-fall. I just could not bring myself to do it.
Days passed. I watched the others swinging high, from my safe spot on the ground. I climbed up again, thinking I could finally brave the swing, only to sit and then eventually just climb down the ladder.
Finally, the last day, with only hours left before we headed home, I did it. And, it was spectacular. Great enough that nearly thirty years later I still remember how much fun I had. But, I only got a few tries in. My fears had just been too great.
And, so, knowing this about myself -- how I usually respond to new or risky situations, I am trying to not be immobilized by my current fears. I am working for the courage to just dive in. Which may help explain why I am torn right now between a feeling of absolute terror and exhilaration.
The changes we are commencing right now require a great leap of faith; they necessitate just diving in all the way, over my head, where I may not be able to catch my breath.
With this move Jeffrey is quitting his job; we are selling our house; we are leaving behind everything that is known and predictable, and pinning all our hopes on a business venture that may or may not actually work out.
I have run the numbers; we have analyzed at a distance, but in life, you can never actually guarantee the outcome. There are no absolutes.
Instead, I find myself constantly repeating cliches. Worn-out pieces of pop-wisdom to reassure myself that this is a wise move.
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
"You have to spend money to make money."
"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."
These are the mantras repeating in my mind as I move myself to the very brink, my toes curling over the edge, leaning forward, just about ready to let myself fall -- and see if fate will catch me.
— Helen Keller
I am not a girl who likes to dive into anything.
Not at all.
Even at the pool, I am not a diver. I am a dip my toes into the water and then slowly wade in deeper to test the conditions, determine if I like the temperature, get in a little more, and gradually make my way around -- ensuring I never get in over my head but can always keep my feet on the ground -- sort of girl.
I am a planner. A thinker. A figure-out-all-the-details-you-can-in-advance person.
I do not like the unknown. I do not really like surprises.
I like to be well-informed; comfortable; in control.
Consequently, I often can miss out on fun opportunities. It is just too hard for me to get past the initial fear and discomfort of what I do not know.
I remember visiting my cousins in Vancouver, Washington at age eight. The back of their house was filled with forested land, tall mature trees that canopied the entire space. It was stunning.
On one tree, my uncle had rigged up a rope swing. A thick, worn rope with a loop at the bottom through which one could place their foot. My cousins demonstrated with ease: you just climbed up on the roof of the nearby garage, put your foot through the hole, held on tight with both hands, and jumped down. The rope would catch and swing back and forth, while the delighted children and teens swung up high into the leaves that blanketed the sky.
Oh! It looked so very fun. Exhilarating even. My younger sister fearlessly climbed up and swung, attesting to the joy. But, I? I could not do it. It took hours to get up my courage to climb to the edge of the roof. And, then, I just sat. I dug deep, but I lacked the courage to risk the free-fall. I just could not bring myself to do it.
Days passed. I watched the others swinging high, from my safe spot on the ground. I climbed up again, thinking I could finally brave the swing, only to sit and then eventually just climb down the ladder.
Finally, the last day, with only hours left before we headed home, I did it. And, it was spectacular. Great enough that nearly thirty years later I still remember how much fun I had. But, I only got a few tries in. My fears had just been too great.
And, so, knowing this about myself -- how I usually respond to new or risky situations, I am trying to not be immobilized by my current fears. I am working for the courage to just dive in. Which may help explain why I am torn right now between a feeling of absolute terror and exhilaration.
The changes we are commencing right now require a great leap of faith; they necessitate just diving in all the way, over my head, where I may not be able to catch my breath.
With this move Jeffrey is quitting his job; we are selling our house; we are leaving behind everything that is known and predictable, and pinning all our hopes on a business venture that may or may not actually work out.
I have run the numbers; we have analyzed at a distance, but in life, you can never actually guarantee the outcome. There are no absolutes.
Instead, I find myself constantly repeating cliches. Worn-out pieces of pop-wisdom to reassure myself that this is a wise move.
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
"You have to spend money to make money."
"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."
These are the mantras repeating in my mind as I move myself to the very brink, my toes curling over the edge, leaning forward, just about ready to let myself fall -- and see if fate will catch me.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Potter Mania
So, one thing I did not expect when we moved to Boise was how ridiculously late it stays light in the summer. Like after 10 PM!
I expected it to be dusk around 9, maybe 9:30, like in Salt Lake. But, no. It is light here forever.
I have tried to account for this with explanations regarding how far north and west we are in the time zone, but I do not know if that means anything.
All I do know is that my kids have no intention of going to bed if "the sun is still awake," as Elsie Jane says.
Last summer, in desperation for a way to gather my kids and have them settle down, rather than run through the streets wildly until 10:30, we decided to read together.
We had saved in reserve the Harry Potter series for when Mia was old enough to truly enjoy the books and not be overly frightened. I knew when we began that her appetite for the story would be insatiable. And, that I would struggle to hold her off from reading the final books, which I still feel are too adult and intense for her. But, I had no idea what I was truly beginning the day last May when we pulled Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone from the book shelf.
For months we would gather every night and read aloud. Mia and Maggie were captivated, although Maggie always had lots of questions. Elsie Jane picked up key words, like the names of characters, but would often do her own thing. On the Fourth of July, my kids turned down an invitation to do fireworks, because they preferred to stay home and read Harry Potter. We didn't watch a movie together for months, because they would rather read. The only problem was that my challenge of getting the girls to sleep had now shifted from the sun being up to being able to put down the story.
But, the great part was that the whole family could participate and enjoy the magical adventure together.
After, reading for the summer, including listening to tapes and reading aloud on multiple road trips, we decided that the only way to adequately culminate our Harry Potter experience was to use it as the theme for the extended family Halloween party we host each year. We also made this party Mia's official birthday celebration and invited everyone to come in costume.
I just have to say, I have the most awesome family EVER! Check out the many characters who came to our house in October.
Maggie as Luna Lovegood
Mia as Hermione Granger
Elsie Jane as Hedwig
Jackson as Lupin
Will as Harry Potter
Annie as Ginny Weasley
Rae as Argog
Lily as Erol
Jeffrey as Mad Eye Moody
Daniel as Gilderoy Lockhart
Julia as Sybil Trelawney
Dad as Filch
Mom as Delores Umbridge
Bobby as Snape
Ellie as Belatrix Lestrange
Erin as Tonks
We cleared all the furniture in our main room and set up three long tables for the great hall. I draped the ceiling with webbing and hung glow sticks to create an enchanted ceiling.
After the talking sorting hat sorted everyone into houses and each person delivered their one cameo line, we held classes. Potions with Professor Snape. Arithmancy with Sirius Black. Divination with Trelawney. Defense Against the Dark Arts with Mad Eye Moody. History of Magic with Professor Umbridge. Charms with Professor Lockhart. All taught in character. We also made quidditch hoops, and I (as Madame Hooch) supervised a game.
Then, there was the trip to Honeydukes for chocolate frogs, Bertie Botts Beans, cauldron cakes, butter beer and pumpkin juice.
And, of course a feast in the Great Hall.
It was a fabulous party. There are only two problems.
One: Mia is turning 11 this year and is rather convinced that she has latent magical abilities and will be receiving a letter from Hogwarts. (Pray for me; it may be a very rough November.)
And, two: I am not sure I can live up to expectations for the party this fall. But, I am hoping to...
I expected it to be dusk around 9, maybe 9:30, like in Salt Lake. But, no. It is light here forever.
I have tried to account for this with explanations regarding how far north and west we are in the time zone, but I do not know if that means anything.
All I do know is that my kids have no intention of going to bed if "the sun is still awake," as Elsie Jane says.
Last summer, in desperation for a way to gather my kids and have them settle down, rather than run through the streets wildly until 10:30, we decided to read together.
We had saved in reserve the Harry Potter series for when Mia was old enough to truly enjoy the books and not be overly frightened. I knew when we began that her appetite for the story would be insatiable. And, that I would struggle to hold her off from reading the final books, which I still feel are too adult and intense for her. But, I had no idea what I was truly beginning the day last May when we pulled Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone from the book shelf.
For months we would gather every night and read aloud. Mia and Maggie were captivated, although Maggie always had lots of questions. Elsie Jane picked up key words, like the names of characters, but would often do her own thing. On the Fourth of July, my kids turned down an invitation to do fireworks, because they preferred to stay home and read Harry Potter. We didn't watch a movie together for months, because they would rather read. The only problem was that my challenge of getting the girls to sleep had now shifted from the sun being up to being able to put down the story.
But, the great part was that the whole family could participate and enjoy the magical adventure together.
After, reading for the summer, including listening to tapes and reading aloud on multiple road trips, we decided that the only way to adequately culminate our Harry Potter experience was to use it as the theme for the extended family Halloween party we host each year. We also made this party Mia's official birthday celebration and invited everyone to come in costume.
I just have to say, I have the most awesome family EVER! Check out the many characters who came to our house in October.
Maggie as Luna Lovegood
Jer as Sirius Black
We cleared all the furniture in our main room and set up three long tables for the great hall. I draped the ceiling with webbing and hung glow sticks to create an enchanted ceiling.
After the talking sorting hat sorted everyone into houses and each person delivered their one cameo line, we held classes. Potions with Professor Snape. Arithmancy with Sirius Black. Divination with Trelawney. Defense Against the Dark Arts with Mad Eye Moody. History of Magic with Professor Umbridge. Charms with Professor Lockhart. All taught in character. We also made quidditch hoops, and I (as Madame Hooch) supervised a game.
Then, there was the trip to Honeydukes for chocolate frogs, Bertie Botts Beans, cauldron cakes, butter beer and pumpkin juice.
And, of course a feast in the Great Hall.
It was a fabulous party. There are only two problems.
One: Mia is turning 11 this year and is rather convinced that she has latent magical abilities and will be receiving a letter from Hogwarts. (Pray for me; it may be a very rough November.)
And, two: I am not sure I can live up to expectations for the party this fall. But, I am hoping to...
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Two Weddings and a Funeral
Last summer I woke up one morning to an idea. Does that ever happen to you? You just wake with a clear idea, fully formed in your head in the morning? Well, that is how it was for me.
The idea: to start my own floral and design business with my sister.
In reality, it is something I had been thinking about previously. But, on this day, the logo, the name, the partnership with my sister, all were laid out in my mind.
But, I still had to ruminate a bit about whether it was truly a good idea.
During June and July, I did all the flowers for Jeffrey's sister's wedding and then spruced them up and added in some other wild flowers to create a new look for my sister-in-law's sister's wedding, and then came back to Utah to do the flowers for Jeffrey's aunt's funeral.
After all of these events, I decided. I really do love doing this.
So, I began putting together the structure of a very basic business plan and website. In January, I finally finished it and sent out my first marketing piece to let friends and family know about my venture.
I have done three more weddings since then and have two scheduled for this summer. And, we will just see how it goes from there.
You can check out my website at www.mnldesign.com for some of the floral shots.
But, here are some of the personal pictures from the events. For the record, the very best part of the whole ceremony was watching how seriously Elsie Jane took her job as a flower girl. She had been instructed to walk slowly and drop flowers to one side and then to the other. She did such a thorough job of following these directions that everyone got backed up behind her as it took about ten minutes for her to make it down the steps and up the aisle. Darling!
The idea: to start my own floral and design business with my sister.
In reality, it is something I had been thinking about previously. But, on this day, the logo, the name, the partnership with my sister, all were laid out in my mind.
But, I still had to ruminate a bit about whether it was truly a good idea.
During June and July, I did all the flowers for Jeffrey's sister's wedding and then spruced them up and added in some other wild flowers to create a new look for my sister-in-law's sister's wedding, and then came back to Utah to do the flowers for Jeffrey's aunt's funeral.
After all of these events, I decided. I really do love doing this.
So, I began putting together the structure of a very basic business plan and website. In January, I finally finished it and sent out my first marketing piece to let friends and family know about my venture.
I have done three more weddings since then and have two scheduled for this summer. And, we will just see how it goes from there.
You can check out my website at www.mnldesign.com for some of the floral shots.
But, here are some of the personal pictures from the events. For the record, the very best part of the whole ceremony was watching how seriously Elsie Jane took her job as a flower girl. She had been instructed to walk slowly and drop flowers to one side and then to the other. She did such a thorough job of following these directions that everyone got backed up behind her as it took about ten minutes for her to make it down the steps and up the aisle. Darling!
Back to School 2012
This fall Mia Joy started in the 4th grade with Mrs. Stice. Maggie in the 1st grade with Mrs. Broadie; her first year of all-day school. And, Elsie Jane, started "real" preschool two days a week with Miss April. There is nothing like school starting to remind me how quickly my little ones are growing up. Two more years and I will have all of my kids in school (the only year they will all be in the same school).
Elsie Jane was excited to lay out her backpack and an outfit for the first day of school.
Mia and Maggie were both selected in September for the Character Counts Award for Responsibility!
We also spent the fall hanging out and watching Maggie play soccer. She perfected a signature move where she could maneuver the ball out of a tight spot by kicking it backwards. She was quite pleased with herself, as were her coaches, Tae and Kim, who had taught the move to the team, but only Maggie managed to figure it out.
Elsie Jane was excited to lay out her backpack and an outfit for the first day of school.
Mia and Maggie were both selected in September for the Character Counts Award for Responsibility!
We also spent the fall hanging out and watching Maggie play soccer. She perfected a signature move where she could maneuver the ball out of a tight spot by kicking it backwards. She was quite pleased with herself, as were her coaches, Tae and Kim, who had taught the move to the team, but only Maggie managed to figure it out.
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