Let's face it. Mother's Day is one of those holidays (like Valentine's or Birthdays) where there are just big expectations. Everyone has some sense of how these holidays ought to go. And, fundamentally, this vision involves a lot of pampering.
For me, all I wanted for Mother's Day was smooth morning where we actually made it to church on time and a nap in the afternoon.
This morning I did get to sleep in and awoke to the sound of someone scurrying about the kitchen to make me breakfast. But, the circumstances were far less than idyllic.
I had overslept (after having been up for about two hours during the night with Mia, who has had miserable allergies lately). Meaning, I was running VERY late for church. And, Mia was the one making me breakfast -- all on her own.
She was cooking me waffles. She had awakened and gone downstairs and when she saw that Jeffrey had not prepared breakfast for me prior to leaving for his early meeting, she figured he had forgotten that it was Mother's Day, and she took it on herself to remedy the situation.
First, she found my cookbook. Since, she could not find a waffle recipe, she used one for swedish pancakes instead. She also escorted Elsie Jane quietly downstairs and turned on a movie for her (which she later informed me she knew was not usually allowed on Sunday mornings, but she wanted to be certain I could sleep in). She then commenced cooking.
I did not witness the process. I was forbidden from coming downstairs once I awoke. But, from what I can tell, besides the fact that she used a recipe for the wrong item, floured the waffle iron, mixed the batter with the dough hook on my kitchenaid -- which never fully combined the ingredients -- spilled the batter, and let Maggie into the eggs (resulting in one being broken all over the floor), she did pretty darn well for her first attempt at independent cooking. The end result looked like waffles, just not quite the right consistency. And, the bite I had did not taste bad.
In the middle of her cooking efforts she came upstairs to get a little clarification on how to use the waffle iron. I tried to gently hint at the fact that what I really wanted for Mother's Day was to get to church on time. But, the look of determination and sincerity on my daughter's face stopped me. I resolved that we were going to be late, and Mia made me breakfast.
The girls did not want to attempt eating Mia's waffles. They poured themselves Lucky Charms instead. And, spilled them all over the floor too. Then, Elsie Jane dumped her whole bowl, including the milk, all over the floor.
Round two of cereal, occurred after wiping up the milk and as I was trying to run around upstairs and make beds and tidy up, since I never know if by chance someone may come to look at our house, and while I highly doubted it would happen this morning (which it did not) I have enough fear that it may that I can't leave a mess. I came down to another mess of cereal and milk from Elsie Jane and Maggie deciding to move their bowls from the counter to the little table.
Once the floors had been scrubbed, again, and the counters cleaned up, I got everyone dressed and fixed everyone's hair. Mia selected a dress for me to coordinate with a flower she had made me for my hair as a gift. So, I put on the dress she selected and clipped the matching flowers into her hair and mine. At the last moment I went to change Elsie Jane into her dress for church.
I ripped off her pull-up (which is almost always dry) and discovered poop all over her. I restrained her with one arm as she kicked and tried to run away while Maggie ran for supplies. After I cleaned her up and got her dressed, I washed the dishes, loaded the dishwasher, and scrubbed up all of the waffle mess. I tidied the main floor and gathered my papers ready to leave for church.
It was just as I turned around to grab the kids and load the car I discovered that Elsie Jane had gotten into my make up and drawn all over her face with black eyeliner. There was a significant amount of screaming while I washed her face and questioned her as to where she had used the eyeliner besides her face, to which she said, "Bathroom." I then instructed Mia to load everyone in the car while I checked the upstairs to ensure that Elsie Jane's artistic efforts had not extended to any furniture or walls. Thanks heavens, they had not. I ran downstairs, checked things once more, grabbed a protein bar and a glass of water and got in the car to enjoy my Mother's Day breakfast on the way to the church.
We were only an hour late, and we had left the house very clean. Everyone was happy. And, my morning was NOTHING like what I would have wanted or expected. But, my morning was full of all that it really takes to be a mom.
The truth is, motherhood has nothing to do with being pampered. Motherhood is hard work. The hardest I have ever done. And, it is not hard just because it involves cooking or cleaning or dealing with the unexpected. It is hard because it involves constant self-sacrifice, patience, and love. It involves giving up what you want for the interests of another.
This morning as I was running around thinking about how far off my morning was from what I would have wanted, reconciling myself to the fact that we were just going to be late, and realizing that I could be frustrated about that or fine with it, I reflected on the attributes that motherhood is teaching me to develop.
Lately, I feel like I fall so short of all I hope to be as a mother. But, despite my short-comings, my commitment to motherhood keeps me constantly striving to be better, to improve. And, ultimately, I know that it is because of my efforts in motherhood that I will grow in my ability to suffer long, be kind, seek not my own, not be puffed up or behave unseemly, not be easily provoked, bear all things, and endure all things. I can think of no circumstance in which I can more fully develop charity than being a mom.
Today, I am just grateful that I get to be a mother. Not a perfect mother. Not to perfect kids. But, I think that motherhood may be as much about the imperfections as it is about the idyllic. Motherhood is about the messes and the craziness and the exhaustion and the constant reaching deep into your soul for a greater capacity to love unconditionally.
And, sometimes, there are precious days when it all goes smoothly and everyone gets along and things run on time and the house is clean and the children obey and everyone is happy. And, sometimes that day is Mother's Day.
But, most mother's days look a lot like mine did this morning.
And, yet, they are no less glorious.
Because, in the end, I did get to sleep in. And, my sweet, thoughtful daughter made me breakfast.
And, I even got to take a nap.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
New Approaches
Jeffrey has been telling me for about a year that I need to update the pictures on my blog. I think they were about two years old. But, it is just not the sort of thing I usually make time to do.
But, right now I need some distraction.
I need to think about something other than my house, so my blog is the beneficiary.
I have decided that selling a house is akin to pregnancy for me -- just about the most frustrating thing EVER!
The thing about selling houses and expecting babies is that both just take time. Deep down, you know that both will eventually occur. No one is pregnant forever. Most homes eventually do sell. The problem is you don't have any clue when either will actually take place. You can do little or nothing to speed the process up, to force it to its conclusion, you just have to wait.
No matter how much you just want to be done and want it all over: you just have to wait.
Part of the challenge with waiting is that you know, or at least really hope, what is coming will be really good. It will be new, and fun, and exciting, and memorable. A whole new phase of life.
But, the phase can't start -- not really -- until the baby is born or the house is sold (unless you are one of those families that can just afford two mortgages, I guess). No matter how much you may prepare and anticipate, in the end, you have to wait.
And, waiting -- I have come to the conclusion -- is something I hate to do.
I have been thinking a lot about the last three and a half weeks of my pregnancy with Elsie Jane.
(Now in all honesty and fairness to other women out there, all my babies have been born before their due dates -- by a good bit. I can't imagine what you go through going past a due date! But, I also don't really eat or feel remotely sane for the full nine months I am pregnant, so I pack in a lot of misery in the abbreviated length of gestation for me.)
At 32 1/2 weeks into my pregnancy with Elsie I started into pre-term labor. Resulting in trips to the hospital, bed rest, and drugs that made me feel really crazy and shaky and dizzy all trying and stop my contractions, which never really subsided, just lessened a bit. In any case, the doctors made it abundantly clear that they would do everything they could to get me to 36 weeks, so when my contractions would worsen I would just go back to the hospital for more monitoring and drugs. I was going crazy. I hated how I felt on all the medication. I was sick of not knowing if things would get worse and the baby would come. I was unable to plan well. I had no idea whether I should move up the time my mom was coming to stay with my other girls, and I had no back up for her if the baby did come. I did not know if after I hit 36 weeks and they took me of the medication the baby would be born or if I would have to wait longer, even weeks longer. I just did not know. I could not figure it out. I could do little or nothing to change the situation. All I could do was wait. I was miserable.
Yet, in the end, we decided to have my mom move up her flight and come on the day I hit 36 weeks. She arrived; I ended my bedrest; we celebrated Mia's birthday; we had one relaxing day together when I oriented her to the schedule and where everything was; I packed my hospital bag, and the next day I went into "real" labor and Elsie Jane was born! Amazingly, and unknown to me in all of it, Elsie arrived completely healthy and since she was one day past 36 weeks she avoided a required stay in the NICU for "preemies." Her birth could not have come any more timely for me as we discovered that much more serious issues were avoided by a quick c-section. And, all was simple and smooth for my girls at home with their Nama. No planning on my part could have been so miraculous in its addressing health issues we did not even know existed and timing that I would not have ever considered.
Beginning with the circumstances of her birth and so often in her little life, I have felt like Elsie Jane is a metaphor for me. Like she is teaching me to let go.
I thought about this again the other day when after being in the car for nearly 45 minutes, contentedly looking out the window and jabbering in the back seat she asked me: "Where we going?" If only I could have such a trusting and laid back approach to the path my life is taking, just enjoying the ride instead of worrying so much about getting to my destination!
I have thought about this lesson from Elsie Jane's birth the past couple of days as my emotional state has reminded me of those weeks on bedrest. So frustrated. So spent. So worn out and tired of the present situation. And, with so little control over changing it. Nothing for me to do but wait.
I cannot make my house sell. I have done my part to bring that about. I cannot move forward and make plans regarding our move, a new home, the summer, schools for the kids, really almost anything in my life, until it sells. So, all I can do is wait.
The question is: will I wait with greater patience and faith this time, less desperation than I felt nearly three years ago?
I am not sure, but I hope so. I hope to take a new approach this time around. To learn from my past experience. To more fully trust in the same hand that has led me along through all the challenging and difficult and slow waiting places in my life.
And so, I am looking for things to do with myself other than worry and stew and clean and feel stuck.
Like updating my blog.
If it feels like I'm whining the same old tune constantly lately, I apologize. I am just looking for a diversion through writing.
In the meantime, the blog is updated with its own new, fresh approach. The pictures are from our family photo shoot in November. Here are a few of my other favorites. (It is amazing how fast everyone is growing up. Just one more reason to take a new approach to life.)
But, right now I need some distraction.
I need to think about something other than my house, so my blog is the beneficiary.
I have decided that selling a house is akin to pregnancy for me -- just about the most frustrating thing EVER!
The thing about selling houses and expecting babies is that both just take time. Deep down, you know that both will eventually occur. No one is pregnant forever. Most homes eventually do sell. The problem is you don't have any clue when either will actually take place. You can do little or nothing to speed the process up, to force it to its conclusion, you just have to wait.
No matter how much you just want to be done and want it all over: you just have to wait.
Part of the challenge with waiting is that you know, or at least really hope, what is coming will be really good. It will be new, and fun, and exciting, and memorable. A whole new phase of life.
But, the phase can't start -- not really -- until the baby is born or the house is sold (unless you are one of those families that can just afford two mortgages, I guess). No matter how much you may prepare and anticipate, in the end, you have to wait.
And, waiting -- I have come to the conclusion -- is something I hate to do.
I have been thinking a lot about the last three and a half weeks of my pregnancy with Elsie Jane.
(Now in all honesty and fairness to other women out there, all my babies have been born before their due dates -- by a good bit. I can't imagine what you go through going past a due date! But, I also don't really eat or feel remotely sane for the full nine months I am pregnant, so I pack in a lot of misery in the abbreviated length of gestation for me.)
At 32 1/2 weeks into my pregnancy with Elsie I started into pre-term labor. Resulting in trips to the hospital, bed rest, and drugs that made me feel really crazy and shaky and dizzy all trying and stop my contractions, which never really subsided, just lessened a bit. In any case, the doctors made it abundantly clear that they would do everything they could to get me to 36 weeks, so when my contractions would worsen I would just go back to the hospital for more monitoring and drugs. I was going crazy. I hated how I felt on all the medication. I was sick of not knowing if things would get worse and the baby would come. I was unable to plan well. I had no idea whether I should move up the time my mom was coming to stay with my other girls, and I had no back up for her if the baby did come. I did not know if after I hit 36 weeks and they took me of the medication the baby would be born or if I would have to wait longer, even weeks longer. I just did not know. I could not figure it out. I could do little or nothing to change the situation. All I could do was wait. I was miserable.
Yet, in the end, we decided to have my mom move up her flight and come on the day I hit 36 weeks. She arrived; I ended my bedrest; we celebrated Mia's birthday; we had one relaxing day together when I oriented her to the schedule and where everything was; I packed my hospital bag, and the next day I went into "real" labor and Elsie Jane was born! Amazingly, and unknown to me in all of it, Elsie arrived completely healthy and since she was one day past 36 weeks she avoided a required stay in the NICU for "preemies." Her birth could not have come any more timely for me as we discovered that much more serious issues were avoided by a quick c-section. And, all was simple and smooth for my girls at home with their Nama. No planning on my part could have been so miraculous in its addressing health issues we did not even know existed and timing that I would not have ever considered.
Beginning with the circumstances of her birth and so often in her little life, I have felt like Elsie Jane is a metaphor for me. Like she is teaching me to let go.
I thought about this again the other day when after being in the car for nearly 45 minutes, contentedly looking out the window and jabbering in the back seat she asked me: "Where we going?" If only I could have such a trusting and laid back approach to the path my life is taking, just enjoying the ride instead of worrying so much about getting to my destination!
I have thought about this lesson from Elsie Jane's birth the past couple of days as my emotional state has reminded me of those weeks on bedrest. So frustrated. So spent. So worn out and tired of the present situation. And, with so little control over changing it. Nothing for me to do but wait.
I cannot make my house sell. I have done my part to bring that about. I cannot move forward and make plans regarding our move, a new home, the summer, schools for the kids, really almost anything in my life, until it sells. So, all I can do is wait.
The question is: will I wait with greater patience and faith this time, less desperation than I felt nearly three years ago?
I am not sure, but I hope so. I hope to take a new approach this time around. To learn from my past experience. To more fully trust in the same hand that has led me along through all the challenging and difficult and slow waiting places in my life.
And so, I am looking for things to do with myself other than worry and stew and clean and feel stuck.
Like updating my blog.
If it feels like I'm whining the same old tune constantly lately, I apologize. I am just looking for a diversion through writing.
In the meantime, the blog is updated with its own new, fresh approach. The pictures are from our family photo shoot in November. Here are a few of my other favorites. (It is amazing how fast everyone is growing up. Just one more reason to take a new approach to life.)
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Pointless
Sometimes in life I just feel fed up.
Most times I can deal with the irritants and frustrations, the nonsense and irrationalities of the world with little distress. But, lately, I have been worn out.
Which is why I am still having regrets about getting frustrated with the poor lady who works at the National Passport Center's call center. It is not her fault that she has a pointless job where she can provide no real information of any actual help to anyone. I did not have to point this fact out to her. But, I did.
Yeah, I did.
And, I told her some other not so friendly things about how having a website that directs people to send email inquiries or place phone calls for "more information" when the sum total of information they can give you is that your application is "in process and has not yet been sent" is stupid.
And, how I found it rather disingenuous that her only suggestion was that I pay an additional $72 to expedite my card, which she still could not guarantee would make it here in less than two weeks.
And, how the most ridiculous part of our whole conversation was when she told me that the people who have real information about where in the process my application actually is do NOT have phone numbers or email but can only be reached by standard mail (which she had just finished telling me can take 1-2 weeks to arrive in their office) and that I could always send them a letter to obtain additional assistance. Which, I figure would get to them about the time I depart on our cruise to the Bahamas and be responded to about two weeks after I return.
In any case, I think the take home message is that I need to reduce the stress I am feeling in other aspects of my life so that government workers who are paid to read pointless and non-informative information off of a computer screen do not take the brunt of the fact that I need to sell my house and figure out a cross country move, etc.
I too have answered phones to unhappy and attacking people. All day. It is no fun.
Whomever you are, National Passport Center Call-Lady, I am sorry.
The things I said are true. But, still, I am sorry I said them to you.
Your job may be pointless, but so were my comments.
I hate it when I do things I regret.
UPDATE:
Later that day, I got an email from the National Passport Center to let me know the status of my application. Here is what it said:
Thank you for contacting the National Passport Information Center.
Your application is in process. Routine applications are being processed
in approximately 4-6 weeks from the time of application. If you need
your passport sooner and did not expedite at the time of application,
please call the toll-free number listed below.
Online status checks are available for expedite applications
approximately 3 days after you applied.
Online status checks are available for routine applications
approximately 7 days after you applied.
Please allow at least that time before checking the status of your
application, via our online service
https://passportstatus.state.gov/opss/OPSS_Status_ip.asp , using the
"check application status" link.
For further information, please refer to our website
www.travel.state.gov or call (877) 487-2778, for TDD/TTY users
1-888-874-7793 (Mon-Fri 8:00AM to 10:00PM ET; excluding federal
holidays). If you need to contact us again by email, please include all
prior messages/correspondence in your reply so we can review what has
previously taken place.
Thank you.
National Passport Information Center
Most times I can deal with the irritants and frustrations, the nonsense and irrationalities of the world with little distress. But, lately, I have been worn out.
Which is why I am still having regrets about getting frustrated with the poor lady who works at the National Passport Center's call center. It is not her fault that she has a pointless job where she can provide no real information of any actual help to anyone. I did not have to point this fact out to her. But, I did.
Yeah, I did.
And, I told her some other not so friendly things about how having a website that directs people to send email inquiries or place phone calls for "more information" when the sum total of information they can give you is that your application is "in process and has not yet been sent" is stupid.
And, how I found it rather disingenuous that her only suggestion was that I pay an additional $72 to expedite my card, which she still could not guarantee would make it here in less than two weeks.
And, how the most ridiculous part of our whole conversation was when she told me that the people who have real information about where in the process my application actually is do NOT have phone numbers or email but can only be reached by standard mail (which she had just finished telling me can take 1-2 weeks to arrive in their office) and that I could always send them a letter to obtain additional assistance. Which, I figure would get to them about the time I depart on our cruise to the Bahamas and be responded to about two weeks after I return.
In any case, I think the take home message is that I need to reduce the stress I am feeling in other aspects of my life so that government workers who are paid to read pointless and non-informative information off of a computer screen do not take the brunt of the fact that I need to sell my house and figure out a cross country move, etc.
I too have answered phones to unhappy and attacking people. All day. It is no fun.
Whomever you are, National Passport Center Call-Lady, I am sorry.
The things I said are true. But, still, I am sorry I said them to you.
Your job may be pointless, but so were my comments.
I hate it when I do things I regret.
UPDATE:
Later that day, I got an email from the National Passport Center to let me know the status of my application. Here is what it said:
Thank you for contacting the National Passport Information Center.
Your application is in process. Routine applications are being processed
in approximately 4-6 weeks from the time of application. If you need
your passport sooner and did not expedite at the time of application,
please call the toll-free number listed below.
Online status checks are available for expedite applications
approximately 3 days after you applied.
Online status checks are available for routine applications
approximately 7 days after you applied.
Please allow at least that time before checking the status of your
application, via our online service
https://passportstatus.state.
"check application status" link.
For further information, please refer to our website
www.travel.state.gov or call (877) 487-2778, for TDD/TTY users
1-888-874-7793 (Mon-Fri 8:00AM to 10:00PM ET; excluding federal
holidays). If you need to contact us again by email, please include all
prior messages/correspondence in your reply so we can review what has
previously taken place.
Thank you.
National Passport Information Center
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