Yes Mom

Last time I flew on a plane with all my kids, I watched the in-flight movie: Yes Man.

Well, I sort of watched the movie. Actually, I watched a few minutes, put on a DVD for the girls, watched a few minutes, made a bottle for the baby, watched a few minutes, fished snacks out of the bags on the floor, watched a few minutes, found coloring supplies, and so on and so forth for an hour and a half.

Fortunately, the premise of the movie was quite simple. A man, who said “no” to everything in life, is challenged by a self-help-guru-type to say “yes” instead. Then, the rest of the movie is just about what happens when he changes his automatic response to “Yes.” Of course, this is a movie, so his whole life changes, everything that was bad turns good, and he becomes a happy man.

The other night, I was talking to a friend who told me of a time in her life when she had extra help with household chores and made a commitment to just say “Yes” to her children whenever she could. As she said this, it was like something that had been trying to find a form, to shape into words in the back of my mind, fell into place.

That was it. That was what I wanted to accomplish in my life lately, but had been struggling so hard to actually bring about. That was why I was taking all of my kids out to Utah for six weeks this summer.

I want to be a “Yes Mom.”

Lately, I have felt overwhelmed by the demands of household chores. I keep saying, “I am drowning in tasks.” I want to spend focused, undistracted time with my kids. I want to pay attention and listen to them and play with them. But, it is so hard at times.

As summer approached and I considered what we most needed as a family, I felt like it was time to play. I felt like after Mia’s tough year in kindergarten, and all the chaos and change with the birth of Elsie Jane, Jeffrey’s new calling, and lots of sickness, we just needed time to have fun together this summer. We needed a break. And, I felt, particularly, that my kids needed to just be filled up with love. With tons of attention and positive regard.

Ideally, I could do this for them at home. I would know how to balance my own needs, find the quiet time and rest I require, keep up on the chores, and plan lots of fun outings and times to really focus on them. And, I am hoping to do that in August. But, I worried that to really do it, I needed to get out of the environment; I needed to get away from the tasks that scream for my attention. I needed to throw away my to-do list for the summer.

So, I brought all the kids to Utah. And, I have one goal for the next six weeks: saying “Yes.”

Mom, will you get me a drink? Yes.

Mom, jump on the trampoline with me? Yes.

Mom, listen to the song that I learned on the piano? Yes.

Mom, sing me another song? Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

With fewer obligations and demands to fix food, buy groceries, and clean the house, I want to get good at saying “Yes.”

I also want to say “yes” to myself. Yes, I will take the time to read and write each day. Yes, I will take that nap, someone else can help with the kids. Yes, I will sit in silence for a few moments, or go to yoga consistently, or run.

I want to make my highest priority not getting things accomplished, not what I have to do, but creating love, both in myself and in my children. And, I am convinced that that will happen better when I say, “Yes,” rather than “Later,” “Not now,” or “Just give me five minutes.”

Maybe I will get good at it. Maybe I can carry that attitude home with me. Maybe it will even change our lives. Maybe being a “Yes Mom” can be just as powerful as being a “Yes Man.”

We will see.




***And, a special note of thanks for support in our long travels and all of life to my fabulous husband. We will be missing you on Father’s Day. We love you!

Done

I love the feeling of getting things done; crossing items off my to-do list. But, sometimes there are certain items that linger for a VERY long time. Usually these are the ones that really overwhelm me. It is not always that they are particularly difficult, just that they do not need to be done immediately, and, for some reason, they require me to use a lot of energy.

Right now the list of items I have put off for over a year includes things like the final coat of paint and polyurethane on my kitchen cabinets. It is a one day project, but I simply cannot force myself to do it.

Having been on the list for an even longer, actually an embarrassingly long, time is a host of emergency and personal preparedness items. I am always working in small bits on food storage or saving money or ensuring we have adequate insurance, but I have had two things that are not costly, don't take a long time, and really just require sitting down and plowing through them on my list since before our move to Virginia: 72 hour kits and wills / organization of essential documents.

I had bought and set aside items for the kits; Jeffrey and I have talked about what would need to go in our wills, but we just haven't bothered to get it done. Until Saturday.

Yep, that's right. I did it. I finally put together our 72 hour kits.

It wasn't bad. It cost me about $5 for items that I did not have on hand yet. Mainly it was just tracking down the various items I had purchased or just had on hand and putting them all into one place. It was actually kind of fun. Mia loved helping out and is anxious for a disaster or emergency which will necessitate us packing our kits and hiking somewhere on foot. I keep saying, "Let's hope we never need to use them."

So, confessions aside, I am really excited to mark this one off the list. It is DONE. And, Jeffrey has promised to do the wills and other documents next week while we are gone. I can't even imagine what we could accomplish next once we get these two items out of the way!

So, for others who may also have this item on their long-standing to-do list, I thought I would share how I organized our kits and give some encouragement. It is not nearly as bad as you may think.

I tried to give the kids absolutely essential items that they could carry on their own. I used a bunch of old backpacks and saved a good bit of money in the process. I also tried to duplicate what I thought were the most essential items between Jeffrey's pack and mine, in case only one of us was present to take a pack along, and I split the less essential, but still helpful items between our two packs to keep them at a reasonable size / weight.

Anyway, this is how it turned out:


Kids’ Kits
Water (1 litre)
Food Pack (in mylar bag):
Long life candle
Water proof matches
Gum
Baked Beans
Crackers
Fruit Bars
Hot Cocoa Mix
Apple Cider Mix
Granola Bars
Beef jerky
M & M’s
Raisins
Cup of Soup Packet
Hard Candy
Fruit Snacks
Clothes:
Sweatshirt
Pants
Socks
Underwear
T-shirt
Hat
Flashlight and extra batteries
Poncho
Emergency Blanket
Stuffed Animal
Hand / Foot Warmers

Adult Kits
Everything in the kids’ kits plus:
Extra Water (1 more litre)
MRE’s
Pocket Knife
Pocket-size Can opener
Tweezers
Scissors
Safety Pins
First Aid Kit:
Acetaminophen
Antihistamine
Advil
Bandaids
Alcohol Swabs
Gauze Bandage
First Aid Tape
Gauze pads
Bar of Soap
Comb
Toothpaste
Hand Sanitizer
Roll of Duct Tape
Large plastic Bags
Extra poncho
Flare Stick
Toilet Paper

Split between adult packs:
Solar / hand powered flashlight / radio
Baby supplies:
Bottle
Clothes
Diapers
Wipes
Bug Spray
Aloe Vera
Small Book of Mormon
Playing cards
Whistle
First Aid Manual
Jeffrey’s spare glasses / contact supplies
Paper and pen
Rope
Small Shovel
Sunscreen
Paper plates and plastic utensils
Petroleum Jelly
Feminine Sanitary supplies

If we were in a situation where we could take more than these items, this is what we would also grab:
More water (need 4 litres or one gallon per person) I have lots of extra water and an extra bag next to our kits, so that additional water could be easily brought along, but inside the backpacks, it was too heavy / took too much space to include 1 gallon per person.

Sleeping Bags
Tent
My large First Aid Kit


Things I want to still add to our kits:
Mess kits with utensils and dishes
Battery powered radio
Cash
Small kids’ medicines – benadryl / Tylenol
Essential Papers (Wills, Account info, contact numbers -- hence, part of the reason for our next project)
More MRE’s
Water Purification Tablets
A jump drive with important electronic files / photos (to be updated every 6 months)
A small ax

Leapin' Lizards

So much of life is relative.

Like the distinction between “stuff” and “junk.” If it belongs to me it is stuff. If it belongs to anyone else, especially if it has been left in a location that I did not sanction, it is junk. Hence, I am regularly asking people to get their junk off the counter, off the stairs, out of the car… well, you get the picture. Yet, these very same items that I categorize with such disdain occupy a higher status in the minds of their owners.

“Emily, what happened to all my stuff (read here: church papers, work papers, random other papers) that was on the counter?”

“Moooooom. Maggie is taking all my stuff (read here: school papers, toys, stuffed animals).”

Very same items. Much different perspective.

I believe that a similar principle applies to pests.

We all have the critters that can put us over the edge. Bugs. Rodents. Birds. Snakes. Other creepy crawly things.

For me, the ultimate terror is mice. Well, rats too. To be honest, anything that resembles a mouse makes my skin crawl: hamsters, guinea pigs, possums.

I will avoid the rodent section in the pet store, simply so I don’t get that nervous, disgusted feeling. I decided after reading 1984 in high school that I would always stand up to an Orwellian-state, big brother in any form, if only to avoid a potentially rat-infested ending in my own life. Even now, my skin just crawls at the thought.

So, earlier in the week when I thought I saw something scurry under the couch in my basement, I immediately felt sick.

We have plenty of large bugs. We have even had several lizards in the basement. And, as much as I don’t like them, any grossness just pales in comparison to the thought of a mouse.

I tipped the couch over. Turned it on its side. I moved it all around, lifted it up, removed all the cushions and pillows. But, still could not find anything.

“Maybe my mind is playing tricks,” I tried futilely to reassure myself.

Then, I saw a brownish-red something poke out from under the couch. My stomach lurched. I knew I would be sick. But, when I moved the couch again: Nothing.

So, I called Jeffrey for some reassurance, which he did not provide. But, sensing my desperation, he advised that I simply avoid the basement for the remainder of the day. He would inspect further after work.

My mind could not stop. I just knew that a whole colony of mice had built a home in my couch. They were living there, had been for months. Never again would I be able to relax in peace, enjoy a movie, take a night off. It was ruined for me. In fact, I was beginning to think I was just going to need to throw the couch away.

Every time, I walked past the basement I would feel sick to my stomach. I would begin to feel my muscles tense, my breathing quicken. Without a great deal of self-control I was certain I may hyperventilate at any moment.

We could find nothing that night, nor the next morning when Jeffrey inspected the bottom of the couch with a flashlight. But, I knew I was not crazy, and as a result, I could not have a single calm moment in my home.

Then, a few days ago, the girls came running upstairs.

“Mom, there’s a wizard in the basement!”

“What? Harry Potter, in my house?”

“No, mom. A wizard.”

So, I went to investigate. I cannot explain my relief when I saw two of these hanging out in the play room.




While, usually, I would have been disgusted (These really have to be some of the freakiest lizards I have ever seen; although, really, they are skinks, not lizards.) in this circumstance, it was all relative.

Compared to having mice, I would have invited a dozen skinks to take up residence in my basement.

I have NEVER felt more relieved.

Maggie Makes Friends

This last fall Maggie's only friend went off to school all day. Knowing she would be lonely and that it was time for her to make some friends of her own, I organized a playgroup for her.

Every week the kids would go to a different home. They had a half an hour dance class, free play time, snack, stories, crafts and other activities.

It took almost all year for Maggie to not panic, cling to me, and bawl when I dropped her off. It took half the year for the kids to learn the routine, participate, and sit quietly. But, as we had our final playgroup last week, I was so impressed with how much they have all grown up.

And, I am so happy with the darling friends that Maggie has made. I love that they know each other, enjoy one another's company, and that they are even excited to see me at church and other places. They are just so dang cute.

This last week we braved the rain for a "field trip" and picnic at Frying Pan park. We had to find shelter in which to eat our lunch. But, it was an adventure and the kids enjoyed the animals.