Since Grandma died last week I have thought so much about her. I’ve thought about her life, about the person she was, but most of all, I have thought about what she has meant to me. I have thought about the gifts she has given me and the many ways that they will keep on giving throughout my life.
Grandma was good at giving in so many ways.
Grandma gave her aesthetic and love of the arts. She provided my first exposure to the theater, the symphony, and the ballet. She lent me old movies and classic books to read. She shared with me her love of fine and beautiful things. Grandma didn’t “do” plastic. You did not offer her a drink that was not in a glass. She never set her table for dinner without using china dishes, beautiful serving pieces -- even if they did not exactly match -- and real silverware. She always had pressed linen table cloths. She gave linens as regular gifts, sheets or monogrammed towels for birthdays and Christmas presents. Then, she taught me -- at the laundromat when I was 15 -- the “proper” way to fold towels. This is the method I still use to stack and fold my linens, just right so that they have no edges showing and look beautiful when stacked in the closet.
Grandma gave good food: goldfish crackers, pistachios, Hershey’s kisses were staples at her house. She made the best potato salad and cheese potatoes; no one else’s ever taste quite the same. She fed the family roast beef and mashed potato dinners on Sunday evenings when it had been a busy week. Christmas evening Grandma knew what everyone needed: a delicious turkey dinner that her adult children did not have to prepare, so they could just collapse around the table and visit, while her grandchildren opened the mountain of wrapped gifts piled beneath her tree.
Grandma gave generously. She always was ready to welcome her family into her home, and give them whatever they wanted. She would hand off a big jar full of change saying if I would sort it and count it, it was mine to keep. I would stop by and raid the fridge for food when I was in college between classes, never worrying if she was or wasn’t there, just knowing I was welcome. I am still vacuuming my house with the vacuum she passed along to me and serving drinks at parties with the pitchers I borrowed and she told me just to keep.
Most of all, Grandma gave of her time. She knew how to listen. We laughed again this summer as she retold the story of visiting me at Christmas when I was 5. I had her cornered in the car and began to sing her my repertoire of songs. When after countless songs I proudly announced, “That was side one, now side two,” I know that Grandma didn’t stop me. She just kept listening. She genuinely wanted to know about and listen to me. I have so many memories of outings with just Grandma and me. She took me shopping for my birthdays, and on my eighth let me buy a shirt that would sing a song when I pushed the moon on the bottom hem. (It was an amazing shirt that only a grandma would buy.) She took me to the movies, out to lunch, on trips with her to California. She my attended grandparent’s days, dance concerts, graduations, my wedding (even during her mission in Missouri), baby blessings, birthday parties. She was always there.
And, she did not just love me. It was the same with all her grandchildren Grandma was the source of family information; she knew how everyone was doing and what they were doing. She had 28 grandchildren, but she never forgot about a one, or their spouses, or their children, her great-grandchildren. She arranged birthday lunches and gatherings when a cousin was visiting in town. She wanted us to know and love each other, just as she did.
I have already mentioned it, but it needs to be said: Grandma gave actual gifts too. She sent cards and notes for holidays and special occasions, if she was not there in-person. Even after I was married, Jeffrey and I would both get a Valentine in the mail from Grandma with a golden dollar or a crisp two dollar bill enclosed. When my daughter, Mia, lost her first tooth, Grandma sent her a dollar in the mail with a card congratulating her. She knew how to do small things well and with a consistency that spoke to the consistency of her love.
In just the past two weeks I happened across gifts from Grandma that I had completely forgotten. The first is a leaf from the trees outside of Carthage Jail, with my name embossed on it in gold ink: a Christmas gift from Grandma during her mission years. Beautiful, thoughtful, meaningful, and personal. Not expensive or even functional, but exactly the type of gift Grandma gave.
The second was a journal given by Grandma and Grandpa for Christmas several years ago, just before Grandpa’s death. In the front cover is a typed letter “To Our Grandchildren” talking about their testimony of the Book of Mormon -- this general preaching has Grandpa written all over it. And, I love him for that devotion and desire to share his conviction. But, below the typed letter is a personal note, written to Jeffrey and me, expressing love and their excitement to see their new great-grand-daughter. This part is all Grandma. It is not lengthy, and it is not preachy, but it is a personal, individual expression of her love.
In the Book of Mormon we read of the Savior visiting the Nephites and blessing their children, one-by-one. Focusing his time and attention on each as an individual. Grandma possessed this Christ-like ability to focus on and love each of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren as an individual, one-by-one. She knew each personally and loved each unconditionally. No matter their faults or mistakes, Grandma loved her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. She would never turn her back on them, even when others did.
It was during Grandpa’s funeral, gathered around the microphone of the “white church” in Mapleton with all my cousins and siblings, a few young children, my grandparent’s great-grandchildren, standing in front of them, that I realized the greatest gift Grandma and Grandpa gave. We were singing “Love is Spoken Here,” with lyrics about having fathers who honored the priesthood and mothers who knelt in prayer and turned to the Lord in their trials, and I thought: “This is my grandparent’s legacy. This is what their faith and devotion to the gospel brought about: all of these grandchildren, now adults, raising their children, each able to sincerely sing of the joy and peace that come from having the gospel of Jesus Christ woven throughout the tapestry of their childhoods and homes.”
I am most grateful for this gift which so abundantly blesses my life with the knowledge of my Savior, Jesus Christ. It is the reason I can have hope each day. It is the reason that I can face the loss of Grandma with joy and peace. It is all that I love and all I want for my children.
My first job was working with Grandma as a receptionist at Morris Travel. She taught me the ropes, including mandatory breaks for coke and a treat from the vending machine. Regularly, a travel agent would come up to me and say, “Merilyn is your Grandma. She’s so cool. I would love to have Merilyn as my grandma.” I have been so blessed that she was my grandma, and I am grateful for the countless gifts she has given me throughout all my life.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Back to School
School started less than a week ago, and honestly, the first week was really mixed. There were good things and not so good things over the week.
The Good:
1- My schedule went really well. I have determined that the key to our family-life running smoothly and creating a less stressful and more nurturing and attentive environment for my children, is me having a really good schedule. It helps us to be organized and not rushed, but it also helps me to find and protect the times that are important to me individually so that I am more available and present for my children.
I got up every morning at about 5:40. Fixed breakfast and lunch for Jeffrey, exercised and got ready for the day, read my scriptures, prayed and meditated (if I could just convince Maggie to sleep a little longer this would be going perfectly!), then I was well-prepared and done with “my stuff” when I got the kids up at 7:45.
They did well using their chore charts to get themselves dressed and ready, clean-up their rooms, and practice piano. We had breakfast together, prayed, loaded up and I drove them to school by 9. We were on time and not too rushed. Then I came home and tidied up and prepared dinner by 10. That way, I have little to do during the evening hours after I pick up Mia at school, so I can focus on being with her, taking her to ballet, piano or soccer, and even just playing with her. We ate dinner out on the deck in the evenings, and got the kids to bed pretty well. So, I am looking forward to continuing to implement the schedule.
2- Maggie loved her teacher, despite having been very nervous and teary about a new class over the past few months. My hardest to adapt child had a GREAT first two days of preschool and is EXCITED that she gets to go every morning this year. This was a big relief.
3- Friday night we had an impromptu family outing including visiting Burke Lake Park, dinner out, and the kids playing in the fountains while listening to “rock stars” (as Maggie called them, but which were actually bad karaoke singers). It really was too cold for the fountains, but the girls were unaware. For them, running and dancing in the water was sheer joy!
4- The weather the later part of the week was PERFECT fall. Cool and crisp, but warm. Oh, it is my favorite season.
5- My first dance classes were this week and went very well. I decided to teach two classes this year, both on Thursdays, and I was a little nervous about how it would all go, but the girls are darling and responsive, and I loved it!
6- So many helpful and supportive friends and loving and generous in-laws and a good husband who all made it possible for me to pick up and leave on the first full week of school and attend my grandma’s funeral.
The Not So Much:
1- Mia had a rough start, reminiscent of kindergarten, with lots of tears and saying she did not want to go to school any more. Seemed to be improving on Friday, so we will see how this week goes.
2- My grandma passed away creating a lot of emotions for me, and necessitating last minute travel across the country and lots of planning.
3- We had lots of extra activities: mutual and orientation at Maggie’s school in the evenings disrupting our time at home. I had a crazy church meeting and visit to the county of Friday to address a water issue we are having in the yard. I had to arrange refreshments Saturday for a youth dance with over 300 kids and Jeffrey had meetings on Saturday.
4- Elsie Jane had a bit of a bug and did not sleep well. Then, last night, as I was trying to finish preparing for my trip and packing, getting everything organized so life would go smoothly for Jeffrey, we all go the stomach bug. Jeffrey lay on the bed -- no help. Mia threw up all over her room and mine, and the space in between. After scrubbing all the upstairs carpets and getting Mia settled, I finally settled in to sleep, only for my stomach to start aching. I hardly slept between 11-3, when Maggie came in and threw up all over our bed. By the time I got her taken care of, Mia was also awake and it was practically time to leave for the airport.
So, here I am on a plane. Happy to be traveling alone (I think the last time I flew all alone was nearly 6 years ago for a work retreat. It is amazingly calm without kids). It is bad timing as I am just trying to get my routine set, the kids settled, my life in order. But, I am so grateful for the opportunity to be here with my family and share this week with them. Hoping for a good break before I return on Thursday!
The Good:
1- My schedule went really well. I have determined that the key to our family-life running smoothly and creating a less stressful and more nurturing and attentive environment for my children, is me having a really good schedule. It helps us to be organized and not rushed, but it also helps me to find and protect the times that are important to me individually so that I am more available and present for my children.
I got up every morning at about 5:40. Fixed breakfast and lunch for Jeffrey, exercised and got ready for the day, read my scriptures, prayed and meditated (if I could just convince Maggie to sleep a little longer this would be going perfectly!), then I was well-prepared and done with “my stuff” when I got the kids up at 7:45.
They did well using their chore charts to get themselves dressed and ready, clean-up their rooms, and practice piano. We had breakfast together, prayed, loaded up and I drove them to school by 9. We were on time and not too rushed. Then I came home and tidied up and prepared dinner by 10. That way, I have little to do during the evening hours after I pick up Mia at school, so I can focus on being with her, taking her to ballet, piano or soccer, and even just playing with her. We ate dinner out on the deck in the evenings, and got the kids to bed pretty well. So, I am looking forward to continuing to implement the schedule.
2- Maggie loved her teacher, despite having been very nervous and teary about a new class over the past few months. My hardest to adapt child had a GREAT first two days of preschool and is EXCITED that she gets to go every morning this year. This was a big relief.
3- Friday night we had an impromptu family outing including visiting Burke Lake Park, dinner out, and the kids playing in the fountains while listening to “rock stars” (as Maggie called them, but which were actually bad karaoke singers). It really was too cold for the fountains, but the girls were unaware. For them, running and dancing in the water was sheer joy!
4- The weather the later part of the week was PERFECT fall. Cool and crisp, but warm. Oh, it is my favorite season.
5- My first dance classes were this week and went very well. I decided to teach two classes this year, both on Thursdays, and I was a little nervous about how it would all go, but the girls are darling and responsive, and I loved it!
6- So many helpful and supportive friends and loving and generous in-laws and a good husband who all made it possible for me to pick up and leave on the first full week of school and attend my grandma’s funeral.
The Not So Much:
1- Mia had a rough start, reminiscent of kindergarten, with lots of tears and saying she did not want to go to school any more. Seemed to be improving on Friday, so we will see how this week goes.
2- My grandma passed away creating a lot of emotions for me, and necessitating last minute travel across the country and lots of planning.
3- We had lots of extra activities: mutual and orientation at Maggie’s school in the evenings disrupting our time at home. I had a crazy church meeting and visit to the county of Friday to address a water issue we are having in the yard. I had to arrange refreshments Saturday for a youth dance with over 300 kids and Jeffrey had meetings on Saturday.
4- Elsie Jane had a bit of a bug and did not sleep well. Then, last night, as I was trying to finish preparing for my trip and packing, getting everything organized so life would go smoothly for Jeffrey, we all go the stomach bug. Jeffrey lay on the bed -- no help. Mia threw up all over her room and mine, and the space in between. After scrubbing all the upstairs carpets and getting Mia settled, I finally settled in to sleep, only for my stomach to start aching. I hardly slept between 11-3, when Maggie came in and threw up all over our bed. By the time I got her taken care of, Mia was also awake and it was practically time to leave for the airport.
So, here I am on a plane. Happy to be traveling alone (I think the last time I flew all alone was nearly 6 years ago for a work retreat. It is amazingly calm without kids). It is bad timing as I am just trying to get my routine set, the kids settled, my life in order. But, I am so grateful for the opportunity to be here with my family and share this week with them. Hoping for a good break before I return on Thursday!
Where I Have Been
I have fallen off the electronic world. I have had no presence here. Summer just did me in. Having all my kids at home is just busy and crazy. The time really flew by. We did not do half the things I had planned. We had a lot of playdates with friends, visited the waterpark, took swimming lessons, did some activities at home, but so many of the outings and projects I thought we would get to never happened. Oh well, there is always next year, I guess.
In addition to taking care of the kids, taxiing them around and entertaining their friends, I have put a lot of time into getting organized with my new church calling. I have had meetings, made phone calls, sent emails, and organized activities, including and 4 ½ mile hike with the young women.
I also worked on a few projects to get organized before school started. I fixed up my basement so I can teach dance down there. I moved all the craft and art supplies and all my dance supplies into the cupboards and shelves there. I organized and moved all of my sewing supplies out of the way. I built some hooks for art smocks and art work, installed a barre, decorated the walls, sewed streamers and made rhythm sticks. (Pictures to follow) It turned out great.
I also tackled my laundry room. I painted the walls, and built this cubby system to help organize everyone’s stuff: school bags, jackets, church bags, dance bags, purses, etc. Everyone now has their own section of bulletin board for their papers and their own cubby and hooks. So far, it is a huge improvement. I organized the rest of the closet space in there and created another organizational space, right in the kitchen, for the things I frequently use and get into. (Again, the pictures will come later)
I got all the papers in the office filed. I typed up a schedule for the year and a menu for the next month. I reorganized the girls’ closets: packing up really summery clothes and pulling out their school clothes.
Then, Jeffrey gave the girls blessings -- even Elsie Jane sat perfectly still for hers (she walked around and was noisy during the other girls’, but still)– it was so sweet; we cleaned the whole house, power washed the outside of the house, pulled weeds and cleaned up the yard, and hosted a big back-to-school BBQ, and it was officially time for the school year to begin.
I am not quite sure that I was quite ready for school this year. Emotionally, I mean. I was physically prepared, and I am definitely ready for more structure in our lives. It seems like everything – finances, meals, schedule, exercise, reading, cleaning – has been unpredictable and irregular for the last six-seven weeks since we returned from our trip to Utah. It really is time for more order. Yet, despite the fights and the quarrels, the crazy days and lack of schedule, I am a little sad this year for summer to come to an end. I feel a need to find more ways during the school year to create fun times and one-on-one moments with my daughters. Especially, Mia, who is getting so grown-up. I wanted to do so much more with her, and I hope that I can make some times even during school.
In addition to taking care of the kids, taxiing them around and entertaining their friends, I have put a lot of time into getting organized with my new church calling. I have had meetings, made phone calls, sent emails, and organized activities, including and 4 ½ mile hike with the young women.
I also worked on a few projects to get organized before school started. I fixed up my basement so I can teach dance down there. I moved all the craft and art supplies and all my dance supplies into the cupboards and shelves there. I organized and moved all of my sewing supplies out of the way. I built some hooks for art smocks and art work, installed a barre, decorated the walls, sewed streamers and made rhythm sticks. (Pictures to follow) It turned out great.
I also tackled my laundry room. I painted the walls, and built this cubby system to help organize everyone’s stuff: school bags, jackets, church bags, dance bags, purses, etc. Everyone now has their own section of bulletin board for their papers and their own cubby and hooks. So far, it is a huge improvement. I organized the rest of the closet space in there and created another organizational space, right in the kitchen, for the things I frequently use and get into. (Again, the pictures will come later)
I got all the papers in the office filed. I typed up a schedule for the year and a menu for the next month. I reorganized the girls’ closets: packing up really summery clothes and pulling out their school clothes.
Then, Jeffrey gave the girls blessings -- even Elsie Jane sat perfectly still for hers (she walked around and was noisy during the other girls’, but still)– it was so sweet; we cleaned the whole house, power washed the outside of the house, pulled weeds and cleaned up the yard, and hosted a big back-to-school BBQ, and it was officially time for the school year to begin.
I am not quite sure that I was quite ready for school this year. Emotionally, I mean. I was physically prepared, and I am definitely ready for more structure in our lives. It seems like everything – finances, meals, schedule, exercise, reading, cleaning – has been unpredictable and irregular for the last six-seven weeks since we returned from our trip to Utah. It really is time for more order. Yet, despite the fights and the quarrels, the crazy days and lack of schedule, I am a little sad this year for summer to come to an end. I feel a need to find more ways during the school year to create fun times and one-on-one moments with my daughters. Especially, Mia, who is getting so grown-up. I wanted to do so much more with her, and I hope that I can make some times even during school.
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