Memories of Grandma

Since Grandma died last week I have thought so much about her. I’ve thought about her life, about the person she was, but most of all, I have thought about what she has meant to me. I have thought about the gifts she has given me and the many ways that they will keep on giving throughout my life.

Grandma was good at giving in so many ways.

Grandma gave her aesthetic and love of the arts. She provided my first exposure to the theater, the symphony, and the ballet. She lent me old movies and classic books to read. She shared with me her love of fine and beautiful things. Grandma didn’t “do” plastic. You did not offer her a drink that was not in a glass. She never set her table for dinner without using china dishes, beautiful serving pieces -- even if they did not exactly match -- and real silverware. She always had pressed linen table cloths. She gave linens as regular gifts, sheets or monogrammed towels for birthdays and Christmas presents. Then, she taught me -- at the laundromat when I was 15 -- the “proper” way to fold towels. This is the method I still use to stack and fold my linens, just right so that they have no edges showing and look beautiful when stacked in the closet.

Grandma gave good food: goldfish crackers, pistachios, Hershey’s kisses were staples at her house. She made the best potato salad and cheese potatoes; no one else’s ever taste quite the same. She fed the family roast beef and mashed potato dinners on Sunday evenings when it had been a busy week. Christmas evening Grandma knew what everyone needed: a delicious turkey dinner that her adult children did not have to prepare, so they could just collapse around the table and visit, while her grandchildren opened the mountain of wrapped gifts piled beneath her tree.

Grandma gave generously. She always was ready to welcome her family into her home, and give them whatever they wanted. She would hand off a big jar full of change saying if I would sort it and count it, it was mine to keep. I would stop by and raid the fridge for food when I was in college between classes, never worrying if she was or wasn’t there, just knowing I was welcome. I am still vacuuming my house with the vacuum she passed along to me and serving drinks at parties with the pitchers I borrowed and she told me just to keep.

Most of all, Grandma gave of her time. She knew how to listen. We laughed again this summer as she retold the story of visiting me at Christmas when I was 5. I had her cornered in the car and began to sing her my repertoire of songs. When after countless songs I proudly announced, “That was side one, now side two,” I know that Grandma didn’t stop me. She just kept listening. She genuinely wanted to know about and listen to me. I have so many memories of outings with just Grandma and me. She took me shopping for my birthdays, and on my eighth let me buy a shirt that would sing a song when I pushed the moon on the bottom hem. (It was an amazing shirt that only a grandma would buy.) She took me to the movies, out to lunch, on trips with her to California. She my attended grandparent’s days, dance concerts, graduations, my wedding (even during her mission in Missouri), baby blessings, birthday parties. She was always there.

And, she did not just love me. It was the same with all her grandchildren Grandma was the source of family information; she knew how everyone was doing and what they were doing. She had 28 grandchildren, but she never forgot about a one, or their spouses, or their children, her great-grandchildren. She arranged birthday lunches and gatherings when a cousin was visiting in town. She wanted us to know and love each other, just as she did.

I have already mentioned it, but it needs to be said: Grandma gave actual gifts too. She sent cards and notes for holidays and special occasions, if she was not there in-person. Even after I was married, Jeffrey and I would both get a Valentine in the mail from Grandma with a golden dollar or a crisp two dollar bill enclosed. When my daughter, Mia, lost her first tooth, Grandma sent her a dollar in the mail with a card congratulating her. She knew how to do small things well and with a consistency that spoke to the consistency of her love.

In just the past two weeks I happened across gifts from Grandma that I had completely forgotten. The first is a leaf from the trees outside of Carthage Jail, with my name embossed on it in gold ink: a Christmas gift from Grandma during her mission years. Beautiful, thoughtful, meaningful, and personal. Not expensive or even functional, but exactly the type of gift Grandma gave.

The second was a journal given by Grandma and Grandpa for Christmas several years ago, just before Grandpa’s death. In the front cover is a typed letter “To Our Grandchildren” talking about their testimony of the Book of Mormon -- this general preaching has Grandpa written all over it. And, I love him for that devotion and desire to share his conviction. But, below the typed letter is a personal note, written to Jeffrey and me, expressing love and their excitement to see their new great-grand-daughter. This part is all Grandma. It is not lengthy, and it is not preachy, but it is a personal, individual expression of her love.

In the Book of Mormon we read of the Savior visiting the Nephites and blessing their children, one-by-one. Focusing his time and attention on each as an individual. Grandma possessed this Christ-like ability to focus on and love each of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren as an individual, one-by-one. She knew each personally and loved each unconditionally. No matter their faults or mistakes, Grandma loved her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. She would never turn her back on them, even when others did.

It was during Grandpa’s funeral, gathered around the microphone of the “white church” in Mapleton with all my cousins and siblings, a few young children, my grandparent’s great-grandchildren, standing in front of them, that I realized the greatest gift Grandma and Grandpa gave. We were singing “Love is Spoken Here,” with lyrics about having fathers who honored the priesthood and mothers who knelt in prayer and turned to the Lord in their trials, and I thought: “This is my grandparent’s legacy. This is what their faith and devotion to the gospel brought about: all of these grandchildren, now adults, raising their children, each able to sincerely sing of the joy and peace that come from having the gospel of Jesus Christ woven throughout the tapestry of their childhoods and homes.”

I am most grateful for this gift which so abundantly blesses my life with the knowledge of my Savior, Jesus Christ. It is the reason I can have hope each day. It is the reason that I can face the loss of Grandma with joy and peace. It is all that I love and all I want for my children.

My first job was working with Grandma as a receptionist at Morris Travel. She taught me the ropes, including mandatory breaks for coke and a treat from the vending machine. Regularly, a travel agent would come up to me and say, “Merilyn is your Grandma. She’s so cool. I would love to have Merilyn as my grandma.” I have been so blessed that she was my grandma, and I am grateful for the countless gifts she has given me throughout all my life.