The Worst Phase of All

As a mother, I am not keen on changing diapers.  It is not pleasant, and it is sure a drain on my bank account.

I do not love the process of potty training either.  Suddenly, my whole world revolves around a little person's bowels and bladder.  All I can think about and do.  The interruption for every activity that I commence is a trip to the toilet.  In the middle of cooking or cleaning or sleeping.  Even worse, in the middle of the grocery store when I am at the back with a cart full of food.  Everything revolves around the getting to the toilet.

But, at least in these phases I am prepared.  I know what I am dealing with.  I leave the house with diapers and wipes, or a change of clothes.

What is worse than these phases is when -- mentally -- I have advanced my child into the "fully potty-trained" category; I have moved out of the constantly thinking and worrying about their bodily fluids phase of mothering, but they have not come with me.

Instead, we have again commenced the Worst Phase of All.  The Procrastination Phase.

This is the phase in which there is really no good reason for my child to EVER have an accident.

This is the phase when I, quite stupidly, rely upon my child's own ability to let me know if she needs to use the bathroom, to ascertain all on her own when she needs to go, and let me know.

This is when I think that she probably has got down the concept of "holding it."

This occurs more than a full year after when we supposedly finished potty training.

And this is when all the accidents happen.

Except, now, I am not prepared.

Almost daily I see the signs.

Elsie Jane is having fun; she is playing with her dolls; she is watching television; she is swinging in the neighbor's backyard.  And, it would be just too difficult for her to stop and use the bathroom.  Way too inconvenient.  So, she doesn't.

Sometimes I am perceptive.  I watch her running on her tiptoes, moving her legs high speed around me while we talk or fix lunch, and I query, "Do you need to go potty?"

Always, the answer is, "No."

A few minutes later when the foot movements have become more frantic, I will again suggest a trip to the bathroom to "just try and go," which is most often also declined.

Finally, she will run up to me, high speed and in a frantic voice shout, "I need to go POTTY!"  Not a second can be spared.  All must be dropped, any task ceased, and we run together to the bathroom, her feet moving even more frenetically -- because apparently very rapid movement of your lower body prevents the bladder from emptying.

By the time we arrive at the toilet, she cannot focus enough or take her time to pull down her own pants and underwear, instead, I have to pull them down and lift her up and plop her down on the toilet seat in three seconds flat or else risk being sprayed by urine.  "Whew," we both sigh, and she says, "That was close!"

No kidding, kid!  Every time is close.  Except when it is too late.  Which is about 25% of the time.

Those are the moments when she lets me know she needs to go as the urine is already starting to trickle into her panties or just after it has run down her legs.

Nice. I love changing wet pants.

I guess I should ask her more often if she needs to go.  Maybe I should find a good bribe for going without an accident.  But, I do not think it will help.  She knows what to do, and she usually does it.  It is just that it is not a high priority for her so she waits too long and is easily distracted.

Maggie stayed in this phase for six months, except she did not ask for my help so that we could do the fast-paced, mad potty dash together several times a day.  No, she just tried to make it on her own, and when she could not disrobe fast enough, she abandoned her wet articles of clothing in the puddle at the base of the toilet and then went to her room and donned a new outfit.  My heart would sink every time I saw her turn up in something new -- I knew somewhere in some bathroom she had left a mess for me to clean-up.

Finally, one day, the wet piles and puddles just stopped.  And, then, I could REALLY celebrate having a non-procrastinating, fully potty-trained child.  Someday, I am sure Elsie Jane will also join these ranks.

But, until then, I am stuck in this most embarrassing of phases.  The phase where my proficiently "potty-trained" child regularly wets at friend's houses and the park.  The phase where I spend one tenth of my vacation running, full speed across Disneyland or SeaWorld to the bathroom, holding her hand and shouting, "Keep holding it.  You can do it.  Hold it, Elsie; hold it" while the crowds stare and she tiptoes high speed, her legs racing along with me.

Dreams Do Come True

Easter is one holiday that I have yet to completely figure out living away from family. We have traveled to Utah some years, had friends over other years, and at times had a quiet day to ourselves.

This year we we invited to a fun Easter egg hunt on Saturday; we read our Easter book throughout the week reflecting on the final days of the Savior's life, and had our traditional treasure hunt for baskets Easter morning. Tired and with a headache the night before I totally punted on making a nice Easter breakfast and instead bought a box of cereal for each of the girls' baskets. Since cereal is a rarity at our house, and since they did not get any candy in their eggs this year, just bunny crackers and money for our upcoming vacation, they thought the cereal was an AWESOME treat.

But after donning our new dresses and attending church, I had no more plans for the family. We were going to have naan and quinoa and chicken and hummus for dinner and dye eggs, but until then, the day was directionless.

Mia was, as usual, unhappy with me for not planning more of a party or inviting guests over -- she is so very social and wants me to have dinner guests every Sunday and constant fun activities planned, which can at times be hard for her introverted mother who really loves quiet days to myself, with fun group activities in moderation.

Anyway, she was disappointed and spent a good chunk of the afternoon pouting. So, when her friend Sarah knocked on the door and invited the girls to play in the yard for awhile, it saved me another hour of listening to Mia's misery.

While our kids played in the backyard, the adults visited in the front. Really, the perfect arrangement as far as I am concerned.

However, the brains of 8 kids can come up with some odd ideas for entertainment.

In celebration of Easter, the Smith and Merchant kids decided to take turns riding in the recycling bin while other kids pushed them around. It brought lots of giggle, squeals of delight, and loud thudding noises, but seemed an innocent, albeit odd, activity to me.

Until Mia was dropped and fell, banged her head and twisted her ankle.

It was pretty bad. I could tell it really hurt; it was swollen and bruised, and the next morning she said it was not any better.

Now, since Mia is a very dramatic girl who has longed for an occasion on which she could break a bone and get a cast for years, and has confessed many times to suffering from extreme pangs of jealousy over the fact that Maggie broke her collar bone three years ago, I take her medical complaints with a justified degree of skepticism.

However, at the same time, I do sometimes drag my feet a little too much about taking her to the doctor. I did one time wait three days to take her in only for her to have strep throat, an ear infection, and pink eye! I know, Worst Mom Ever Award Recipient for 2009 right here. But it is hard to tell with her. Really!

In any case, I decided that it looked and seemed to be bad enough the next morning that I ought to take her in to have it looked at. Especially, and admittedly perhaps a little selfishly, since we were leaving on a trip the following week and I did not want to put off for days something that could have started healing sooner.

So I grudgingly sacrificed my Monday cleaning day and everything that I had to get done to take Mia to the doctor. (I guess this is what I get for praying for ways to spend more time with her and demonstrate my personal attention and commitment to her -- Never pray for something you don't fully desire to put into action.)

For Mia, it was a glorious day. She had an xray, and proudly informed the tech that now she had experienced all the tests, having had a Cat Scan, an MRI, an ultrasound, and an X-ray! She got to be pushed around in a wheel chair -- another lifelong dream come true. I told her she could lean on me and hop up to the doctor's office, which she did, but once the nurse offered a wheel chair, there was no turning back.

She had even told me earlier that it would be fine if her ankle was broken for our trip to Disneyland because she could use a wheelchair! Imagine this statement being delivered in a very serious and reassuring tone, until the end when a delighted and impish smile breaks through. That is Mia.

She was informed she had had a minor concussion; she had her foot wrapped, and then, the doctor wrote her a prescription for crutches. No her ankle was not broken, only sprained. I did not think that she really needed crutches, although she was making me nervous only hopping around and refusing to put weight on the foot. But, when I saw the look on her face, the excitement she was trying to contain, I just could not say, "No.".

Mia has ALWAYS wanted to get crutches. She is rather obsessed. She wants crutches and wheelchairs for her build-a-bear animals and her American Girl dolls. A few years ago she managed to finagle a promise from my friend, Denise, who had actually broken her ankle and had to use crutches, to try and get her a set of child-size crutches. And, she has not forgotten. She has been planning on getting to have those crutches. In fact, in between the three stops it took to find a pharmacy that carries children's crutches she remarked, "Mom, you better let Sister Beatty know that I don't need her to get me any now."

So, the injury was really a dream come true. She brought her crutches home and spent the next 24 hours milking it for all it was worth. I just tried to not be too put out by the whole affair and to remind myself that Mia was having a very long awaited experience in her life.

The next day I had an appointment to take her to an orthopedic surgeon we have been seeing about an entirely separate ligament problem she has in her wrist. He took one look at the crutches, asked about what had happened, and advised Mia to place them aside and instead be fitted for a walking brace. Hallelujah.

After two days at school, Mia found the crutches to be cumbersome and inconvenient, and opted for the brace.

So, her love affair with crutches lasted under 36 hours. Fortunately for me and my peace of mind, the insurance covered the cost with the prescription. So I am chalking the whole episode up to a chance for Mia's wishes to be fulfilled.

Since then, the crutches were lowered, and Maggie and Elsie have both enjoyed afternoons taking turns on them. I guess now we are prepared for any future injuries that may come our way. And, if anyone lives in Boise and needs kids' crutches, you know where to come.

In the end, her foot healed well and she did great on our trip. I just hope that this has gotten the need to injure her legs out of her system for good. Dream come true or not, having someone in the house on crutches is just a huge pain!

The Final Bedroom

Elsie Jane's room barely got finished by the end of March to keep me on track with my goal to do a room a month. We are heading off to California for the better part of two weeks in just 13 days, so I am not sure I am going to finish the sewing and accessorizing necessary to also check off our bonus room from the list, but I am still hoping!

Elsie Jane's room is, like both my other girls' rooms, a testimony to the fact that furniture sticks around FOREVER! I have thought a lot about this truth lately. I am not sure I have fully appreciated until lately the reality of the fact that when you buy a piece of furniture it is a LIFETIME purchase. I do not think of things in the very long-term that way. But, when I look around my house, I see how true of a fact it is.

The only mitigating factor to my new axiom: Buy furniture well, you will look at it for the rest of your life! is moving. It is in the process of moving that we have lost some pieces of furniture, to short space, different sized rooms, stairwells that would not fit couches, etc. But, otherwise, furniture sticks around forever.

For example, Maggie's dresser was purchased for me when I re-made my bedroom after high school and is on its fifth coat of paint. Her bed was bought for us when we got married 13 years ago, her shelf was a purchase by my mom for my sister from my aunt who had it in my cousin's room over 20 years ago.

In Elsie Jane's room where I just finished all the decorating, I painted a bed that has been through both of my older girls and my little sister. I antiqued a rocker that my mom bought when I was born and which I have painted 3 different times myself, a dresser that belonged to my grandmother, and a cheap little night-stand that Jeffrey and I bought 10 years ago. I also re-purposed the frame from a picture that hung in my room during high school, but had since faded and had the glass broken. Even the linens were bought for other spaces! In fact, the only thing actually purchased for Elsie Jane's room was the bird counting cards that are on her wall, the ceramic birds, and one of the several bird houses on her dresser. I also did make two pillows and a couple of wall hangings, but otherwise, all of it is a hand-me-down.

Part way through working on Elsie Jane's room I felt guilty about that fact. I felt bad that I chose the bird motif for her before she had even been conceived, and that I had never asked her or consulted her on what she personally wanted. She does like blue, but given her own choice, she may go with pink. I even came up with an awesome plan to redirect her room and decorate around her favorite thing: Mickey Mouse. I was going to swap out the bedding for large red and white polka dots, replace the orange accents with red, leave the blue and gray in place and replace the bird pictures with vintage black and white Mickey Mouse. Throw in a few, large buttery yellow daisies and it would be adorable! (You can tell, I get a little too excited about a new decorating project.)

But, then I finished the room and gave up all my other plans. I love the eclectic feel of it. I love the look with the birds. I love that everything has been handed down and fixed up and made to work and yet creates such a gorgeous custom look. I love the teal and blue and gray and orange. I guess, if I were to choose to move into one of my daughter's bedrooms this would be it. Although the other two are sure cute in their own way.

Anyway, here is the final product for Elsie Jane. This is the first time in my life that I have fully finished down to the very detail every part of each room. Usually I get too impatient and leave pieces hanging, but not this time. And, I love having it all done.

I am very happy with how the hand-painted accent wall turned out. I think I can be satisfied with it as is -- except for a few moments when the Minnie Mouse room itches at the back of my mind again....

The Perfect Balance

Mia's room has been the hardest to wrap my head around in terms of organization and decor. She loves yellow and horses. Which is already a bit of a tricky combo.

We let her choose the color for her room when it was built, shortly after we moved in, and it was YELLOW. It practically glowed. I decided to cool it down by painting the ceiling and a border around the top in a pale turquoise blue. Then we pulled in red accents to create a bold and striking take on primary colors. The red is also a common color in western-themed accessories, which I wanted to incorporate into her room. I did not want a totally rustic feel, rather I hoped to pull off a feminine twist on a horse-themed room that highlighted Mia's favorite color and interests.

I love how it all came together in the end. The final furniture configuration really maximizes the space in the room. I found this desk, already refinished, at a second-hand store. By living in the space for a while and trying a couple of layouts, we hit on one that honors all of Mia's key functions. She has a comfy bed for sleeping and reading. A desk to work at. She has a spot for her large horses -- which she just could not part with after the move, despite our limited space -- and where, when she out-grown the large, stuffed horse we can eventually place a small, cozy chair. She has room for all of her books, her cupboard full of doll clothes and accessories, and a display spot for her American Girl dolls. The large hutch with baskets works well in lieu of a dresser.

I so appreciate my awesome, handy dad who made the custom wall shelf for her, just the right size to fit her books and dolls on this section of wall. It is an awesome space saver since it does not take up any floor space!

The use of varied floral prints in the quilt and the curtain valance gives the room a girlish quality and pull together the colorful collection of items and personality. All the horse details, the rustic knobs on the shelves, the barnwood frames, and the horse shoes and ribbons on display help to create a thematic element, without making it to matchy or appearing to have come out of one store or catalog's collection.

These large frames are for some watercolors of horses that Mia is working on on large canvases -- it is another personal touch to make the room entirely hers. I also love the detailed pillows that I embroidered for her. Each part helps to make it unique.

While hard for me to figure out originally, I am very pleased with how all the elements came together to create a cozy, energetic, very personal space for Mia.

Valentines Details

Valentine sweetness is all in the details.

This year, we decided to create handmade Valentines for the girls' classes. We made little owls out of hearts with a simple body, heart shaped wings, heart feet, a heart beak and big, round eyes. The girls cut out all the bodies themselves out of solid cardstock and I cut the wings and beaks and feet out of various printed papers that we had on hand. The eye balls were a breeze with the loan of my friend's Cricut -- which seriously has me so spoiled that I cannot imagine doing projects without it again, and I may need to secure myself such a device come the holidays this year.

The girls glued them together entirely on their own and loaded the owls into clear cellophane bags with a treat and a tag tied on that said something like: "Owl always love you" or "Whoooo's Maggie's favorite Valentine?"

We also made owl Valentine boxes to coordinate with our cards. Maggie and Elsie Jane did not technically need one of their own, but since Mia (and her friend Sarah) was making one, they could not be left out.

I cut the tops of the boxes into an arc and then used packing tape to re-attach the strip from the top edge. Then, I cut a heart out of the middle and covered the whole thing with canvas scraps from my most efficiently used drop cloth. The girls and I worked together to hot glue on feathers and eyes and wings and beaks which they cut out. In the end, they turned out pretty awesome!

For my family this year I made home-made pink fortune cookies using this recipe: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/fortune-cookies-so-easy/. They are really tasty -- way better than what you get at a Chinese restaurant and really easy. You just spoon the batter onto parchment paper and bake about four of them at a time for about 6 minutes. When they are still hot you have to work fast to insert the fortune, fold them in half, fold them over again and place them in a cupcake tin to cool in the right shape. When they were cool, I dipped the edges in melted semisweet chocolate and then in unsweeted, natural coconut flakes. Oh, they tasted so good. And my girls and Jeffrey loved getting little individualized love notes inside of each one. I also made some for the girls' teachers and our neighbors. They had notes saying: "We are FORTUNATE to have (friends / teachers / etc) like YOU."

The rest of Valentines Day at our house included pink crepes for breakfast with lemon juice and powdered sugar inside and fresh raspberry sauce drizzled on top in the shape of a heart, our traditional "fancy" dinner with chicken cordon blue, dancing with Daddy, and small gifts.

One thing about having kids: Valentines has become all about the crafts -- between boxes, cards, baking, two parties at school, and wrapping little gifts -- I do not think I even had a romantic thought run through my head. Oh well. These years of childhood delight over every holiday won't last long enough for me anyway.

Christmas Crafts

We just finished Spring Break, but I am just now posting the pictures of the craft projects that we did over Christmas break. I know; I know. Such is life.

This year my girls had a full 9 days off school before the much anticipated Christmas Day, and, in all honesty, I was worried. How was I going to keep them happy and entertained as the excitement level increased on a daily basis?

So, I decided that we would create a little schedule for Christmas break: work in the morning, lunch and rest around noon, and a craft project every afternoon. It really went quite well and gave them something to look forward to each day. Several times, we invited friends over to play and make the crafts with us.

I do not have pictures of everything we did, like building gingerbread houses and making licorice and cookies. But, here is a sampling of a few of our Christmas crafts with a big thank you to all my friends who find and post cute ideas on Pinterest for me to see and steal!

Mindful Jars / Snowglobes

It is a little hard to see but the jars are filled with colored glitter glue, a little elmers glue, water, and large sequins. We glued items to the lids to make snowglobes, but since my girls decided that they wanted to add some food coloring to make the glittery substance more vibrant, the objects were a waste and hard to see. The glue helps to suspend things so that once shaken up they settle gradually and are pretty to watch.

I had read about these from someone who used them for their kids instead of a timeout -- they took the jar shook it up and were supposed to sit and settle their feelings down while they watched and waited for everything in the jar to also become still. I loved the idea, but it did NOT work with my kids.

Sure, they thought it was a fabulous way to relax themselves in theory when we made the jars. However, after the initial day, the couple of times I tried to hand Maggie her jar and invite her to sit on the couch and calm down with it she was so spitting mad that she threatened to chuck the jar full of glittery glue across the room at me or another object. And, then I worried I would have both an angry, out-of-control child and a HUGE mess to clean up.

Whoever the mother is who came up with the idea must have had more level-headed and less fiery children than I have been sent!

Headbands with T-shirt Pom-Poms

This was a great project. Just used old, stained t-shirts cut into strips. My girls (6 & 9) and their friends had a harder time cutting the shirts into narrow, straight strips than I had expected. I had to help a lot with that part of the process. But, they were able to wrap the bands with the t-shirt strips entirely on their own. They also liked wrapping the strips around their hands to form loops. I then tied the bunch of loops together around the middle and let them cut the loops to create the pom poms. They also loved customizing their bands with a series of three smaller poms or some of only one color. I secured the pom poms and the wrapping over the bands with hot glue and this easy project was a hit.

These turned out darling to go with their gray knit Christmas dresses and tied in a pop of red for the holiday ensemble.

Owl Bags

These were a last minute improv made without a pattern. We used a canvas drop cloth that was left over from a painting project for the bodies and lining and fun scraps of fabric I already had for the backs, straps and details. I cut out a pattern for each kid and they cut out their own eyes, wings, beaks and straps, and I cut out all the bodies. I simply zig-zagged the wings and eyes and beaks onto the burlap, following the edges. Then I sewed the outer body sections and the lining together, placed the lining inside and rolled the edge of it over the outside to create a look like a bias strip. After that I secured the straps and they were done.

These were the home-run project of the break. All of it, including helping four children pick out fabrics, cutting everything out, and sewing five bags together took between 3-4 hours. Not too bad. Maggie gave one to her school teacher, and the others have gotten a lot of use by Mia and Maggie and their friends, Sarah and Spencer. They are perfect size for scriptures and a notebook for church, a few books and magazines, or even a folder and papers from school.

Still Nostalgic

It has been just over six months since we moved into our home in Boise, Idaho.

I have unpacked all the boxes and launched into projects, having just completed the painting and decor in the girls' three bedrooms.

I have a long list of other projects and improvements I still plan to undertake.

We have made new friends and been impressed by the general kindness and acceptance that we have experienced here.

We have enjoyed easier visits from and to family.

We have begun exploring what the region has to offer, taking skiing lessons and venturing up to McCall.

We have hosted parties and dinner guests; we have been given callings at church; we have signed the kids up for lessons and gotten ourselves plenty busy.

But, there is still a little part of me that is still just a little sad, that does not quite feel like this is completely home yet.

I cannot put my finger on exactly what is missing.

When we first moved here I found myself longingly pining for aspects of life in Virginia that I did not even like when we lived in Virginia! I just missed everything so badly.

Now, that feeling has waned. But, I still feel terribly nostalgic for many big and little things.

I almost started to cry when my neighbor told me about taking her daughter to the Young Women's New Beginnings event at church here. I miss serving with the young women in Virginia so much. I miss the girls and the great women I worked with. I miss planning and going to activities and teaching lessons. I just miss it more than I would have even expected.

I miss little places that don't exist here, the familiarity of stores I liked to shop at and places I liked to go, like the Signal Hill Chick-fil-A (oh, some nights are just Chick-fil-A nights when I cannot face dinner, but alas! No such option here), Trader Joe's, the Super Target by our home, Maggie's old preschool --where I would love to send Elsie Jane, Burke Lake Park, all of DC when company comes into town, and so many other places. Just the other day my sister, who lived with us in VA, was visiting and mentioned how we used to go to Nathan's for ice cream-- talk about longing!!!

I miss my home in the woods. I miss all the beautiful, colorful birds of Virginia. I miss having a basement. I like the simplicity of our smaller home and yard here, but I miss the romping space for the kids. I miss our large back deck, that we never used enough, and our long driveway where I could sit on the porch and watch the girls ride their bikes. I miss having a guest room. And, I miss the familiarity of the place.

I miss so many people. I cannot begin to list all of them. Friends I loved to visit and chat with while our children ran and played together. Friends who were so good at creating fun and getting a party together. Friends who spoke their minds and were just straight forward. People I had come to love in so many ways, and who I struggle to believe I will get to see and be with again. Idaho can seem so very far away!

Finally, lately, I am just desperately mourning the loss of Virginia springs. As it has been rainy and cold for the last month in Boise with a handful of warm, sunny days, I keep seeing all the Facebook updates from my Virginian friends about warm weather and cherry blossoms. I cannot help but think about the hyacinths and tulips and phlox that is blooming in my yard right now and the azaleas and dogwoods that are coming soon. I cannot help but wish to walk on the bluebell trail or to have been at the Jefferson Memorial when the ground is blanketed in pale pink flowers. I love spring in Virginia. I want so much to be back there right now.

But, I live in Boise. And, it is time for me to learn to love it here and let go of the past. To embrace what is in my life right now and not always yearn for a past that cannot be recaptured and a future that does not exist.

It is time for me to finally learn in life how to live in this day.

But, it is hard.

I left part of my heart in Virginia, and it has not quite filled in again. The hard part about moving on in life is the realization that as good as the present may be, there is no way to go back and ever savor the past again. What is over and gone is over and gone. And, if I failed to fully appreciate it or live it when it was my life, well, then I missed out on life.

Which really is all the more reason to kiss my nostalgia goodbye, and learn to carpe diem. Because, someday I will feel just as nostalgic about the time and place and circumstances of my life now as I do about how it was then.

Stuck on the backlog

A year ago I had a conversation with one of the young women I taught at church. I was encouraging her to set some goals and make advancement on the church's program for her age group, "Personal Progress.". She informed me that she really wanted to get around to that but that first she needed to finish catching up on her journal. I complimented her on her desire to keep a regular diary of her life and asked what she was "catching up on," to which she replied, "Two summers ago and I just need to then write about all of the last year and a half!"

It became very clear to me in a moment that her perfectionistic expectations were completely paralyzingly her. She would not move on until she felt like she had perfectly completed this one requirement, and, in the process, she was preventing herself from ever getting anything else done.

I offered some sage advice, encouraged her to let up a bit on needing to record every event in her life and maybe set some other goals in the meantime.

But, apparently, when I offered that counsel, I was simply being a hypocrite.

I have spent the past two months with a list of blog entries I want to write bouncing around in my head and tons of positive intentions. But, since I cannot find the time and energy lately to sit down and "catch up" on all the past, I do nothing.

I keep telling myself to just write about what is current, but it is still hard to let go of the the perfectionistic voice in my head that says if I cannot live up to my vision of the "perfect blog" I should just give it up entirely.

I just hate it when I prove to myself that I cannot even take my own advice -- let alone anyone else's.

Argh!