Still Nostalgic

It has been just over six months since we moved into our home in Boise, Idaho.

I have unpacked all the boxes and launched into projects, having just completed the painting and decor in the girls' three bedrooms.

I have a long list of other projects and improvements I still plan to undertake.

We have made new friends and been impressed by the general kindness and acceptance that we have experienced here.

We have enjoyed easier visits from and to family.

We have begun exploring what the region has to offer, taking skiing lessons and venturing up to McCall.

We have hosted parties and dinner guests; we have been given callings at church; we have signed the kids up for lessons and gotten ourselves plenty busy.

But, there is still a little part of me that is still just a little sad, that does not quite feel like this is completely home yet.

I cannot put my finger on exactly what is missing.

When we first moved here I found myself longingly pining for aspects of life in Virginia that I did not even like when we lived in Virginia! I just missed everything so badly.

Now, that feeling has waned. But, I still feel terribly nostalgic for many big and little things.

I almost started to cry when my neighbor told me about taking her daughter to the Young Women's New Beginnings event at church here. I miss serving with the young women in Virginia so much. I miss the girls and the great women I worked with. I miss planning and going to activities and teaching lessons. I just miss it more than I would have even expected.

I miss little places that don't exist here, the familiarity of stores I liked to shop at and places I liked to go, like the Signal Hill Chick-fil-A (oh, some nights are just Chick-fil-A nights when I cannot face dinner, but alas! No such option here), Trader Joe's, the Super Target by our home, Maggie's old preschool --where I would love to send Elsie Jane, Burke Lake Park, all of DC when company comes into town, and so many other places. Just the other day my sister, who lived with us in VA, was visiting and mentioned how we used to go to Nathan's for ice cream-- talk about longing!!!

I miss my home in the woods. I miss all the beautiful, colorful birds of Virginia. I miss having a basement. I like the simplicity of our smaller home and yard here, but I miss the romping space for the kids. I miss our large back deck, that we never used enough, and our long driveway where I could sit on the porch and watch the girls ride their bikes. I miss having a guest room. And, I miss the familiarity of the place.

I miss so many people. I cannot begin to list all of them. Friends I loved to visit and chat with while our children ran and played together. Friends who were so good at creating fun and getting a party together. Friends who spoke their minds and were just straight forward. People I had come to love in so many ways, and who I struggle to believe I will get to see and be with again. Idaho can seem so very far away!

Finally, lately, I am just desperately mourning the loss of Virginia springs. As it has been rainy and cold for the last month in Boise with a handful of warm, sunny days, I keep seeing all the Facebook updates from my Virginian friends about warm weather and cherry blossoms. I cannot help but think about the hyacinths and tulips and phlox that is blooming in my yard right now and the azaleas and dogwoods that are coming soon. I cannot help but wish to walk on the bluebell trail or to have been at the Jefferson Memorial when the ground is blanketed in pale pink flowers. I love spring in Virginia. I want so much to be back there right now.

But, I live in Boise. And, it is time for me to learn to love it here and let go of the past. To embrace what is in my life right now and not always yearn for a past that cannot be recaptured and a future that does not exist.

It is time for me to finally learn in life how to live in this day.

But, it is hard.

I left part of my heart in Virginia, and it has not quite filled in again. The hard part about moving on in life is the realization that as good as the present may be, there is no way to go back and ever savor the past again. What is over and gone is over and gone. And, if I failed to fully appreciate it or live it when it was my life, well, then I missed out on life.

Which really is all the more reason to kiss my nostalgia goodbye, and learn to carpe diem. Because, someday I will feel just as nostalgic about the time and place and circumstances of my life now as I do about how it was then.