WRS Part II C - Jeffrey's Birthday Trip

So, since as those of you who took my recommendation to check out Jeffrey's blog (jeffreymerchant.blogspot.com) know, this year our normal forms of celebrating his birthday -- eating out, having cake, trips to Costco for hotdogs -- were all contraband under his diet regimen, we had to think a bit about how to mark the occasion.

Fortunately for him, I decided to run a half marathon in Richmond the day after his birthday, so we opted to make a little weekend trip of it, beginning on Veteran's Day. We visited the Virginia State Capitol (our first time, despite having resided in VA for 5.5 years -- officially half of our married life now) and some other historic locations in Richmond. We stayed in a hotel with an indoor swimming pool -- which was the whole draw for the kids -- and swam several times. We had a movie night and watched Toy Story III. We visited Jamestown, both the re-creation at the museum and the actual historic site. And, I ran my race.

It was a fun little get-away, the only downside being that it is not easy to get everyone down to bed when we are all sleeping in the same room! The weather was PERFECT fall. And, even my race (which I had worried about) went really well. (Target time: 2:11, Finish time: 2:12)

Since I forgot to take Jeffrey's presents along (I left them wrapped in our closet and realized about an hour into the drive) he gave me a hard time about it being the first birthday ever where he got NO presents and NO cake. Even still, I hope he had fun.

I am really grateful to have such a wonderful husband. He is a smart, funny, kind, spiritual, capable, supportive person. I feel so fortunate to have spent nearly half of my life with him as my best friend and the last 11 years with that friend as my husband.

Here are a few pictures from our venturing. The girls were particularly excited about the Native American village and learning about practices there, since they have both been studying the same topic in school.

Wild Rumpus Season Part II B: Elsie's World

Next up, two days after Mia's birthday: Elsie Jane's Second Birthday!

The biggest hit was the huge Elmo balloon and the Elmo cake that I made her. I have never seen anyone so excited about a cake! She tested him out, leaving a chunk missing from the right side of his chin -- look closely, you will see it.

Of course, she needed lots of help from her sisters to blow out the candles and open her presents. At least, she got a lot of help; I am not certain she had much choice in the matter.

So, in keeping with the theme of Elsie's birthday...

La, la, la, la...
La, la, la, la...
Elsie's world...

La, la, la, la...
La, la, la, la...
Elsie's world...

Elsie loves:

her sisters
(always trying to keep up with them);

dance class with mommy
(she walks around the house all the time saying, "tick tock like a clock");

riding bikes;

cars and trucks
(in fact, that is what we got her for her birthday a big construction truck -- she loves it!);

Gossie
(her favorite book about a gosling who wears bright red boots, which relates to...);

wearing boots and fluffy tulle "dancing" skirts;

singing the Wheels on the Bus;

Sister and Brother Cherry
(her nursery leaders);

eating cheese, berries, noodles;

lollipops & cupcakes
(both of which she pronounces so adorably well);

climbing
(she can get in and out of her crib, onto the counters, and anywhere else she wants);

the park
(fearlessly will climb up the tallest slide and come down squealing);

the tub and swimming;

getting into everything
(I can't get a thing done with her around anymore. She climbs on the counters and unloads the dishes or helps herself to food when I work in the kitchen. She climbs in the dishwasher and unloads it faster than I can unload it. She climbs on my lap or the computer table and adds lots of extra letters and commands to my computer work. She climbs on the tub next to the sink and tries out all of my toiletries while I blow my hair dry. And so forth, all day long. Thank heavens she still naps!);

and, of course,
ELMO !
(She discovered TV only in the last 2 months, but she is completely smitten with Elmo now, or "melmo" as she says.)

Happiest second birthday wishes to Elisabeth Jane! I could not love anyone more!

Wild Rumpus Season Part II: Birthday Week

We kicked off birthday week, as we always do, with Mia's celebration.

This year was our "family party" year (we try to trade off with friend parties every other year), and I tried to keep it rather simple. Surprisingly, Mia did not really even ask if she could have a friend party. But, she was sooooo excited for her birthday. She could hardly sleep for a couple of nights before. I had to give in and let her open a few presents in the morning before school, just so she could survive the wait until evening.

We went out to breakfast that morning (something I fear has now become a tradition, but which occurred only because I discovered late Sunday night that I did not have any butter and could not make the cinnamon rolls I had planned).

Elsie Jane and I met Mia for lunch at her school. She loved showing off her baby sister, who all of her friends (even the boys!) just adored. We made popcorn balls dyed yellow (still Mia's favorite color) for a treat for her class.

Then, when she got home from ballet and Jeffrey got home from work we had her party. (She tried to convince me that she should just skip ballet, but I had to take her because I feared the gifts would not last until Jeffrey got home otherwise!)

Mia's request for her birthday dinner was french onion soup, macaroni "pie" (just my homemade mac and cheese, don't know why she calls it "pie"), and apples with caramel dip. Her other favorite food is spaghetti and meatballs, but since she convinced Elsie Jane and me to have that for Elsie's birthday dinner, she managed to get in both her favorites in the week and opted for the soup on her birthday. At her grandpa's suggestion, she had an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins, which she insisted on cutting herself.

Of course, the ultimate gift was her own Felicity doll from grandma and grandpa. Maggie gave her a carrying case for her doll which has made it even easier to take her everywhere with us since Mia's birthday.

We continued the family tradition of all taking turns to talk about something we love about Mia. It isn't hard. She is a pretty wonderful girl. And, I can't believe she is eight years old!

She is soooooo excited to be baptized. She told me the day before her birthday about how she was excited for the presents, but all of her birthday could not compare to the joy she knew she would feel in her heart when she was baptized and received the Holy Ghost. That evening for Family Home Evening she gave a lesson on baptism and did a beautiful job.

In honor of her birthday, here are eight things I love about Mia:
1- She recognizes the spirit and has a testimony of the gospel.

2- She is so articulate. She can express her thoughts and testimony so beautifully.

3- She is kind and thoughtful. She looks out for her sisters and friends and always tries to include those who may be on the periphery.

4- She is becoming so responsible and helpful. She does her homework independently, practices her piano (with a little reminder), and can set and clear the table and do other tasks in a way that is actually helpful to me.

5- She has the best imagination. She is always pretending or creating new things.

6- She loves to read, and maybe even more, be read to. No one loves stories like Mia. She still cries every night when we have to put down our read-aloud books.

7- She is so independent. While it can cause tension at times with me, I love how resourceful and independent Mia is. The week before her birthday she bought a book on dogs, with money she had scrounged up and then convinced me to pay her for doing extra chores, and then, on her own, used the instructions to make a treat jar, homemade treats, and a bed for Mikado.

8- She is herself. Mia is not overly influenced by others. She holds fast to her beliefs and what she knows is right. She does things her own way, with her own (somewhat quirky) sense. She loves colorful pictures, mismatched clothes, simple hairdo's, all kinds of animals, and making things herself. She just does life Mia's Way.

I am so grateful that she is my beautiful, capable, loving daughter. She is so patient and forgiving with me as I test out being a parent on her. I would never want another girl to be my wonderful, oldest child. Mia is just what I need and our family needs. She is such a unique and special girl. She really is my joy.

Happy Eighth Birthday, Mia Joy!

Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!

This is my favorite phrase from Sendak's classic, Where the Wild Things Are. Every year it runs through my head as the end of October approaches. Because from this time until mid January (when Maggie's birthday and company depart) is Wild Rumpus Season at our house.

Constant Parties. Constant Chaos. Constant Fun. Very little down time.

First, Halloween.

I helped out with the celebration at Maggie's school, raced home, donned my Princess Belle costume, and taught lots of costumed little girls dance on Thursday.

I helped out at the Fall Festival at Mia's school and took the girls on an outing on Friday.

Saturday, we went to the ward trunk-or-treat. (Jeffrey and I reused our costumes from a previous year, going as a witch and a wizard. Apparently, I make a good witch because several people [including our bishop and one of the girls in my dance class] did not recognize me! I did not get any pictures of all of us, though.)

Sunday was the official holiday. We had a simple dinner, but a pot full of bubbling cider and dry ice can always provide LOTS of excitement. Given it being a Sunday and the lack of kids in our neighborhood, we delivered cookies and cards, rather than really "trick-or-treating." Don't worry, the kids were not deprived. We still have candy around the house from Halloween; including some of the nearly two pounds that my friend tried to let the girls bring home.

Monday and Tuesday were days off school. Since the holiday had gotten away from us a bit, we rounded it out by using these two days to complete our celebration: carving pumpkins and having a "mystery meal" for the kids. Mia loved the mystery meal and trying to outsmart Jeffrey and me by figuring out what everything was in advance. Maggie, on the other hand, was so turned off by the fact that I called her spaghetti and alfredo sauce "brains with ghost slime" and her dyed breadstick with a slivered almond on the end a "witch's finger" that she would hardly eat!

Part I of Wild Rumpus Season lasted 6 days.

With Halloween down, it was time to move on to the next events!

Just a little blue

Ever have one of those days when you just feel a little down, but for no good reason? Just entirely unmotivated despite the amazing quantity of work you have to do?

That's me. Today.

I have a whole house to clean: 4 bathrooms to scrub, kitchen to mop, clutter to put away, laundry to wash, Halloween stuff to finish organizing... But, I really just want to take a nap.

So, instead of doing either, I decided to update my blog.

A completely non-productive use of my time.

Anyway, here is what has been going on lately with the Merchants.

Hope you enjoy because this distraction is going to cost me big time tonight when I still have to clean the whole house since my mother and sister-in-law are coming into town TONIGHT.

See what I mean? I really should be more motivated to get scrubbing!

What?!?

You mean I have a blog?

Are you sure?

One that I actually write on? And, update regularly?

People read my blog?

Are you sure?

Hmmmm....that's interesting. Because lately life has been so full and busy I have not even thought about blogging.

I think at some point in the past I used to walk around during the days with all sorts of ideas in my head about things to write, excited to sit down and chronicle my life. I think. Or, maybe I just dreamed that.

In any case, I am not that person lately. My writer's brain has been turned off.

Instead, I feel like every day is a marathon. I get up; I go, and I hope I don't run out of steam before the end. Yet, still, most days I am only about 50% as productive as I would like to be.

Oh well.

So, instead of blogging lately, here is some of what I have been doing:

Young Women's stuff for church -- planned Young Women in Excellence event, made a DVD, put together a brochure, set up, took down; attended meetings and activities and more meetings...

Teaching dance classes -- Thursdays I teach two classes for preschoolers. We dance, sing, move, read, do art. It is fun; the girls are darling, but completely consumes my Thursdays.

Sewing -- I made a baptism dress for Mia, skirts (with matching one's for their dolls) for each of the girls [supposed to be for Christmas, but they may get them early for family pictures], one of three Christmas dresses, lots of mending, two witch costumes for Halloween. But, I still need to do two Christmas dresses, two quilts, doll aprons and dresses, and accessories for the doll cabinets I am making my girls for Christmas. Can I finish?

Training -- running a half marathon in Richmond this weekend. Wish me luck, with company, and a cold, and our crazy schedules I don't feel as prepared as I would like, but I did 10 on Saturday, so I figure, what's 3 more...

Taxiing -- ballet on Mon and Thurs, piano on Weds, soccer on Thurs and Sat, Maggie and Mia to and from school every day, groceries, playdates. No wonder my van looks as though I have forsaken my house and just live in it!

Cooking -- trying to support Jeffrey on his diet with power cooking every Sunday night. A week's worth of meals is handy, but takes a few hours! Plus, meals for me and the girls. Dishes never seem to end.

Cleaning -- it just never ends.

Working in the yard, sightseeing and shopping with my sister, birthday shopping, celebrating Halloween, parent teacher conferences, finishing reading the Book of Mormon, updating finances...

Weightier Matters

I feel in life that I am often to be outdone by my husband. It is just my lot. There are many historic examples, like which of us actually completed law school or has run the most marathons.

Or recently when in my church position working with the Young Women I set out to complete their Personal Progress Program by this fall. Since Jeffrey is in our Bishopric and over the Young Women organization I suggested he complete the program with me. Now, with two weeks left, which of us do you think finished the program 4 months ago and which has 6 more goals to go and is just giving up? If you guessed that he is the former and I the later, you would, of course, be correct.

So, since I have become a terrible slacker on updating this blog -- despite having great intentions. It should be no wonder that my suggestion to Jeffrey that he begin a blog of his own to track his thoughts and experiences on his current diet would lead to a better, more regular, funnier blog than my own.

I think I am going to stop making suggestions to him in the future.

But, in any case, I am not incapable of lauding his successes, even when he leaves me in the dust in the process.

Subsequently, I would heartily suggest you check out his new blog jeffreymerchant.blogspot.com. Start at the first post and read back to the current one. I suspect you will enjoy the diversion and want to check back often for much more regular updates than I have ever provided here.

PS- Leave him a comment, too. I think he'd appreciate the support.

Memories of Grandma

Since Grandma died last week I have thought so much about her. I’ve thought about her life, about the person she was, but most of all, I have thought about what she has meant to me. I have thought about the gifts she has given me and the many ways that they will keep on giving throughout my life.

Grandma was good at giving in so many ways.

Grandma gave her aesthetic and love of the arts. She provided my first exposure to the theater, the symphony, and the ballet. She lent me old movies and classic books to read. She shared with me her love of fine and beautiful things. Grandma didn’t “do” plastic. You did not offer her a drink that was not in a glass. She never set her table for dinner without using china dishes, beautiful serving pieces -- even if they did not exactly match -- and real silverware. She always had pressed linen table cloths. She gave linens as regular gifts, sheets or monogrammed towels for birthdays and Christmas presents. Then, she taught me -- at the laundromat when I was 15 -- the “proper” way to fold towels. This is the method I still use to stack and fold my linens, just right so that they have no edges showing and look beautiful when stacked in the closet.

Grandma gave good food: goldfish crackers, pistachios, Hershey’s kisses were staples at her house. She made the best potato salad and cheese potatoes; no one else’s ever taste quite the same. She fed the family roast beef and mashed potato dinners on Sunday evenings when it had been a busy week. Christmas evening Grandma knew what everyone needed: a delicious turkey dinner that her adult children did not have to prepare, so they could just collapse around the table and visit, while her grandchildren opened the mountain of wrapped gifts piled beneath her tree.

Grandma gave generously. She always was ready to welcome her family into her home, and give them whatever they wanted. She would hand off a big jar full of change saying if I would sort it and count it, it was mine to keep. I would stop by and raid the fridge for food when I was in college between classes, never worrying if she was or wasn’t there, just knowing I was welcome. I am still vacuuming my house with the vacuum she passed along to me and serving drinks at parties with the pitchers I borrowed and she told me just to keep.

Most of all, Grandma gave of her time. She knew how to listen. We laughed again this summer as she retold the story of visiting me at Christmas when I was 5. I had her cornered in the car and began to sing her my repertoire of songs. When after countless songs I proudly announced, “That was side one, now side two,” I know that Grandma didn’t stop me. She just kept listening. She genuinely wanted to know about and listen to me. I have so many memories of outings with just Grandma and me. She took me shopping for my birthdays, and on my eighth let me buy a shirt that would sing a song when I pushed the moon on the bottom hem. (It was an amazing shirt that only a grandma would buy.) She took me to the movies, out to lunch, on trips with her to California. She my attended grandparent’s days, dance concerts, graduations, my wedding (even during her mission in Missouri), baby blessings, birthday parties. She was always there.

And, she did not just love me. It was the same with all her grandchildren Grandma was the source of family information; she knew how everyone was doing and what they were doing. She had 28 grandchildren, but she never forgot about a one, or their spouses, or their children, her great-grandchildren. She arranged birthday lunches and gatherings when a cousin was visiting in town. She wanted us to know and love each other, just as she did.

I have already mentioned it, but it needs to be said: Grandma gave actual gifts too. She sent cards and notes for holidays and special occasions, if she was not there in-person. Even after I was married, Jeffrey and I would both get a Valentine in the mail from Grandma with a golden dollar or a crisp two dollar bill enclosed. When my daughter, Mia, lost her first tooth, Grandma sent her a dollar in the mail with a card congratulating her. She knew how to do small things well and with a consistency that spoke to the consistency of her love.

In just the past two weeks I happened across gifts from Grandma that I had completely forgotten. The first is a leaf from the trees outside of Carthage Jail, with my name embossed on it in gold ink: a Christmas gift from Grandma during her mission years. Beautiful, thoughtful, meaningful, and personal. Not expensive or even functional, but exactly the type of gift Grandma gave.

The second was a journal given by Grandma and Grandpa for Christmas several years ago, just before Grandpa’s death. In the front cover is a typed letter “To Our Grandchildren” talking about their testimony of the Book of Mormon -- this general preaching has Grandpa written all over it. And, I love him for that devotion and desire to share his conviction. But, below the typed letter is a personal note, written to Jeffrey and me, expressing love and their excitement to see their new great-grand-daughter. This part is all Grandma. It is not lengthy, and it is not preachy, but it is a personal, individual expression of her love.

In the Book of Mormon we read of the Savior visiting the Nephites and blessing their children, one-by-one. Focusing his time and attention on each as an individual. Grandma possessed this Christ-like ability to focus on and love each of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren as an individual, one-by-one. She knew each personally and loved each unconditionally. No matter their faults or mistakes, Grandma loved her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. She would never turn her back on them, even when others did.

It was during Grandpa’s funeral, gathered around the microphone of the “white church” in Mapleton with all my cousins and siblings, a few young children, my grandparent’s great-grandchildren, standing in front of them, that I realized the greatest gift Grandma and Grandpa gave. We were singing “Love is Spoken Here,” with lyrics about having fathers who honored the priesthood and mothers who knelt in prayer and turned to the Lord in their trials, and I thought: “This is my grandparent’s legacy. This is what their faith and devotion to the gospel brought about: all of these grandchildren, now adults, raising their children, each able to sincerely sing of the joy and peace that come from having the gospel of Jesus Christ woven throughout the tapestry of their childhoods and homes.”

I am most grateful for this gift which so abundantly blesses my life with the knowledge of my Savior, Jesus Christ. It is the reason I can have hope each day. It is the reason that I can face the loss of Grandma with joy and peace. It is all that I love and all I want for my children.

My first job was working with Grandma as a receptionist at Morris Travel. She taught me the ropes, including mandatory breaks for coke and a treat from the vending machine. Regularly, a travel agent would come up to me and say, “Merilyn is your Grandma. She’s so cool. I would love to have Merilyn as my grandma.” I have been so blessed that she was my grandma, and I am grateful for the countless gifts she has given me throughout all my life.

Back to School

School started less than a week ago, and honestly, the first week was really mixed. There were good things and not so good things over the week.

The Good:
1- My schedule went really well. I have determined that the key to our family-life running smoothly and creating a less stressful and more nurturing and attentive environment for my children, is me having a really good schedule. It helps us to be organized and not rushed, but it also helps me to find and protect the times that are important to me individually so that I am more available and present for my children.

I got up every morning at about 5:40. Fixed breakfast and lunch for Jeffrey, exercised and got ready for the day, read my scriptures, prayed and meditated (if I could just convince Maggie to sleep a little longer this would be going perfectly!), then I was well-prepared and done with “my stuff” when I got the kids up at 7:45.

They did well using their chore charts to get themselves dressed and ready, clean-up their rooms, and practice piano. We had breakfast together, prayed, loaded up and I drove them to school by 9. We were on time and not too rushed. Then I came home and tidied up and prepared dinner by 10. That way, I have little to do during the evening hours after I pick up Mia at school, so I can focus on being with her, taking her to ballet, piano or soccer, and even just playing with her. We ate dinner out on the deck in the evenings, and got the kids to bed pretty well. So, I am looking forward to continuing to implement the schedule.

2- Maggie loved her teacher, despite having been very nervous and teary about a new class over the past few months. My hardest to adapt child had a GREAT first two days of preschool and is EXCITED that she gets to go every morning this year. This was a big relief.

3- Friday night we had an impromptu family outing including visiting Burke Lake Park, dinner out, and the kids playing in the fountains while listening to “rock stars” (as Maggie called them, but which were actually bad karaoke singers). It really was too cold for the fountains, but the girls were unaware. For them, running and dancing in the water was sheer joy!

4- The weather the later part of the week was PERFECT fall. Cool and crisp, but warm. Oh, it is my favorite season.

5- My first dance classes were this week and went very well. I decided to teach two classes this year, both on Thursdays, and I was a little nervous about how it would all go, but the girls are darling and responsive, and I loved it!

6- So many helpful and supportive friends and loving and generous in-laws and a good husband who all made it possible for me to pick up and leave on the first full week of school and attend my grandma’s funeral.

The Not So Much:
1- Mia had a rough start, reminiscent of kindergarten, with lots of tears and saying she did not want to go to school any more. Seemed to be improving on Friday, so we will see how this week goes.

2- My grandma passed away creating a lot of emotions for me, and necessitating last minute travel across the country and lots of planning.

3- We had lots of extra activities: mutual and orientation at Maggie’s school in the evenings disrupting our time at home. I had a crazy church meeting and visit to the county of Friday to address a water issue we are having in the yard. I had to arrange refreshments Saturday for a youth dance with over 300 kids and Jeffrey had meetings on Saturday.

4- Elsie Jane had a bit of a bug and did not sleep well. Then, last night, as I was trying to finish preparing for my trip and packing, getting everything organized so life would go smoothly for Jeffrey, we all go the stomach bug. Jeffrey lay on the bed -- no help. Mia threw up all over her room and mine, and the space in between. After scrubbing all the upstairs carpets and getting Mia settled, I finally settled in to sleep, only for my stomach to start aching. I hardly slept between 11-3, when Maggie came in and threw up all over our bed. By the time I got her taken care of, Mia was also awake and it was practically time to leave for the airport.

So, here I am on a plane. Happy to be traveling alone (I think the last time I flew all alone was nearly 6 years ago for a work retreat. It is amazingly calm without kids). It is bad timing as I am just trying to get my routine set, the kids settled, my life in order. But, I am so grateful for the opportunity to be here with my family and share this week with them. Hoping for a good break before I return on Thursday!

Where I Have Been

I have fallen off the electronic world. I have had no presence here. Summer just did me in. Having all my kids at home is just busy and crazy. The time really flew by. We did not do half the things I had planned. We had a lot of playdates with friends, visited the waterpark, took swimming lessons, did some activities at home, but so many of the outings and projects I thought we would get to never happened. Oh well, there is always next year, I guess.

In addition to taking care of the kids, taxiing them around and entertaining their friends, I have put a lot of time into getting organized with my new church calling. I have had meetings, made phone calls, sent emails, and organized activities, including and 4 ½ mile hike with the young women.

I also worked on a few projects to get organized before school started. I fixed up my basement so I can teach dance down there. I moved all the craft and art supplies and all my dance supplies into the cupboards and shelves there. I organized and moved all of my sewing supplies out of the way. I built some hooks for art smocks and art work, installed a barre, decorated the walls, sewed streamers and made rhythm sticks. (Pictures to follow) It turned out great.

I also tackled my laundry room. I painted the walls, and built this cubby system to help organize everyone’s stuff: school bags, jackets, church bags, dance bags, purses, etc. Everyone now has their own section of bulletin board for their papers and their own cubby and hooks. So far, it is a huge improvement. I organized the rest of the closet space in there and created another organizational space, right in the kitchen, for the things I frequently use and get into. (Again, the pictures will come later)

I got all the papers in the office filed. I typed up a schedule for the year and a menu for the next month. I reorganized the girls’ closets: packing up really summery clothes and pulling out their school clothes.

Then, Jeffrey gave the girls blessings -- even Elsie Jane sat perfectly still for hers (she walked around and was noisy during the other girls’, but still)– it was so sweet; we cleaned the whole house, power washed the outside of the house, pulled weeds and cleaned up the yard, and hosted a big back-to-school BBQ, and it was officially time for the school year to begin.

I am not quite sure that I was quite ready for school this year. Emotionally, I mean. I was physically prepared, and I am definitely ready for more structure in our lives. It seems like everything – finances, meals, schedule, exercise, reading, cleaning – has been unpredictable and irregular for the last six-seven weeks since we returned from our trip to Utah. It really is time for more order. Yet, despite the fights and the quarrels, the crazy days and lack of schedule, I am a little sad this year for summer to come to an end. I feel a need to find more ways during the school year to create fun times and one-on-one moments with my daughters. Especially, Mia, who is getting so grown-up. I wanted to do so much more with her, and I hope that I can make some times even during school.

Meet Felicity

Mia has a fetish. Okay, maybe it is more than a fetish. It may be an obsession. With American Girls.

For those without daughters who may not have been exposed, American Girls are a brand of dolls, with accompanying books, clothes (for real girls and dolls), accessories, and even their own camper trailers or treehouses, if you are willing to drop $400 on an abode for your daughter's doll.

Of all the things Mia could love, of all the brands out there, I must say I would rather her be pouring over the American Girl catalog (which she does for hours and days when it arrives -- memorizing every item and its price, planning how she can save all her birthday money for the next couple of years to buy another doll, or maybe just finagle one out of Grandma and Grandpa for Christmas) than be begging for Hannah Montana concert tickets. But, even still, it has gotten a bit out of control.

A couple weeks ago Mia spent hours unable to sleep because she wanted so badly to get one of the new "My American Girl" dolls. Particularly so that she could create an online persona and play on the new American Girl website. Since we were not willing to just order her one that night, and since it took a significant amount of explaining for her to understand that buying the doll was a prerequisite to getting an on-line identity, well, let's just say it was a rough evening.

In addition, she is regularly trying to figure out how soon we can take a trip to New York, not so we can see the Statue of Liberty or go to Central Park. Nope. So we can, again, visit the American Girl Place Store. We did just go in Chicago. But, NY has other features, like a live show, which we have not yet experienced. It is an absolute must for Mia Joy.

In the past she has vacillated a bit on which American Girl is her favorite. [There is a line of "historic dolls," current "dolls of the year," and then the dolls that can be designed to look just like a real, live American girl. ] But, no more. As of the last week, Mia is Felicity -- the colonial era American Girl.

Mia has gotten obsessed with counter identities in the past. She was "Princess Dot" (from a Bug's Life) for about six months, during which she always wore wings and a crown, followed very closely by a summer stint as "Alice" of Wonderland fame (in fact, that summer several of Jeffrey's co-workers actually thought he had a daughter named "Alice" since that is what she had told them her name was). But, now that she is older, it is worse. She has access to a much larger wealth of information.

She has been re-reading all the Felicity books we own (3) every day.

She watches the Felicity movie we own, every day. And then, pauses it to take note of particular styles, mannerisms, and activities that they do.

And, if she is not reading or watching, she is listening to the box set of Felicity audio recordings from the library.

Her name is now Felicity. Maggie's is Nan (Felicity's younger sister). Elsie Jane is Will (Felicity's younger brother William, but since she is a girl, Mia decided that Elsie's full name would actually be "Willow," we will just call her "Will.")

Every day for a week she has worn a dress with all of the six skirts that she owns layered underneath as "petticoats." She admits it is a little hot and itchy, but it is worth the price to have the more authentic colonial experience.

She also wears tall knee high socks as "stockings" with rubber bands around the tops to be "garters."

She is planning our Halloween costumes for this year so we can be a fully functional Colonial family: Felicity's family, the Merrimans. She has lots of requests related to the details of our attire. Including that I knit authentic stockings that do not have elastic at the top and require garters. I said, "No."

She is also trying to find a way to decorate our car so that it looks just like a carriage. I did tell her there was to be NO taping things onto the car.

She has cut off the bottom of the white shirt that goes with our Dorothy costume to create a cravat for Jeffrey's use.

She has secreted playdough in her room for use as sealing wax on the letters she is writing. (I am just relieved that she decided to use playdough rather than my actual sealing wax!)

She has insisted we prepare colonial food. The first request was for "shrewsbury cakes," but we settled on tarts.

She also had to plan a whole colonial, candlelit dinner. With the silver goblets. I convinced her chicken pot pies would be authentic enough.

She convinced Maggie to trade her dolls (an amazing feat since Maggie's Felicity doll is her most prized possession): Rebecca (Mia's doll) and Cocoa (Mia's favorite horse) for Felicity.

She also sewed herself a "muff" to to keep her hands warm, since I guess gloves will no longer be acceptable in winter.

She is practicing pouring her warm milk from a teapot and adding a cube of sugar, cinnamon, and gently stirring in her teacup.

The only saving grace is that we live in Virginia. Which, although we are not in Williamsburg like Felicity, has been close enough to the proper location that Mia has not yet put a For Sale sign in the yard or just decided to move on her own, with or without the family.

I keep hoping that some appropriate colonial manners and obedient behaviors will accompany this obsession, but so far, all I am "supposed" to do is tell Mia, I mean Felicity, that she takes too fast of steps.

Off the Grid: A Series

Part I- June Begins
In the first act of my story I find myself trying to tie up loose ends and prepare for a trip. In addition to washing, packing, weeding, cleaning, stopping mail, and finalizing schedules, I:

--hold a final recital for my dance class,

--arrange flowers for a friend's wedding,

--paint and paint and paint our massive deck,

--capitulate and adopt a dog (yep, Jeffrey and the kids finally wore me down)-- Mikado "Mickey" is a 2 year-old Lhasa-poo from the shelter,

--attend the last few crazy t-ball practices and games where Mia plays and Jeffrey coaches,

--complete the Marine Corps Crossroads 17.75 K race (only 1 minute over my target time!),

--go to church, host a young women meeting at my home, host friends for dinner,
finish up a pillow Mia embroidered for her first grade teacher and cupcakes for her class, and finish packing -- all the day before our departure.

Part II- Fly Away
In this act I board a plane with a massive car seat, five bags (not including all of those we checked), one stroller, and my three children in tow. Seven hours and two flights later, we arrive in Utah. Here we:

--traverse the state (St. George, Bear Lake, Lake Powell, Salt Lake),

--learn skills (dance camp, swimming, and horse back riding for Mia, dance class and trampoline tricks for Maggie, charming -- and pronouncing the names of -- all her aunts and uncles for Elsie Jane, meditation for me),

--watch shows (Tarzan at Touachan, Toy Story III, Shrek IV, True North by the Children's Dance Theater, Kirkmount at the Scottish Festival),

--recreate (bowling, swimming, boating, fountain splashing, hiking, sand castle creating, school shopping, Thanksgiving Point, Red Butte Gardens, Park City),

--eat well (Uncle Bobby's Indian chutneys, Aunt Judy's cooking at Lake Powell, raspberry shakes at Bear Lake, BBQ at Uncle Mike's, homemade granola, and lots of trips to Cafe Rio),

--catch up with old friends (but not enough of them -- Sorry!),

--enjoy being with grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Part III- Re-Entry
In this act I return to Virginia after an even longer and more grueling flight with three children who have gotten enough sleep for only one of the past 35 nights, who were awakened at 5 am, who are hungry, and who have spent the morning crying over having to say goodbye. Now I:

--begin the process of grandparent detox (this is a program wherein my children act out all of their over-exhausted, over-indulged, disoriented, frustrated, sad to leave family, happy to be home, and confused about how to reconcile these emotions feelings on one another and me while I try to be incredibly patient and understanding while simultaneously being the first person to tell them "no" or really enforce a bedtime with them in five weeks. It isn't pretty.),

--unpack suitcases (including two additional, very large, ones we had to borrow to transport all of our new acquisitions home with us. What made me think it was a good idea to buy a quilt when I already had to check four large, very full bags?),

--deep clean the house (toilets don't look so hot after 6 weeks of hot, humid summer),

--decide to put off a regular schedule for a a couple of weeks,

--meet up with old friends who are in town the day we return,

--try to get the kids to bed before 10 pm,

--reacquaint with the dog that I barely know (figure out how to keep him calm, prevent him from dashing out the door and up the street anytime the door is opened, figure out his potty and feeding schedule, and try to teach the kids to remain calm around him),

--go visiting teaching,

--settle a biz-zillion sibling quarrels,

--stock up on groceries (seriously, no crust of bread no glass of milk remained),

--plan play dates,

--go to the water park,

--de-junk and reorganize almost all of my closets and craft supplies,

--weed (most of) my garden beds where the lettuce and weeds were four feet tall,

--scrub out the car,

--do church stuff (attend church, attend mutual, attend baptisms, prepare and teach lessons, host meetings, clean the church),

--take the kids to the pool,

--take the kids to the movie (Ramona and Beezus -- I highly recommend it. So rare to find a clean, well-acted family film we all actually enjoy!),

--have my car die at Costco, and in the driveway, and at church,

--get a new car battery,

--clean up LOTS of goldfish crackers, juice, and crumbs,

--get a new calling at church (Young Women's President).

Part IV- Untitled
In this act I remember again why I am still tired, haven't blogged in two months, and really need a true vacation.

Possibilities

I love the sense of ultimate possibility inherent in childhood. Kids feel no limitations on what they may become. They are powerful, bold, and imaginative. Anything may actually happen in their world.

Maggie, my four year old, informed me the other day that her uncle, my brother Robert, was going to grow up and be a pirate. I started to correct her, to let her know that while her uncle has chosen a field equally obscure in the 21^st century (being a poet) I was pretty sure he was not going to become a pirate. Especially, the swashbuckling, sword-wielding, Johnny Depp model she had in mind. But then I thought, “Why?” Why convince her that being a pirate is not a valid occupational interest?

I took a similar out when my seven year old, Mia, informed me that she did not really need to do any research for her first grade report on horses, since she “pretty much knows everything about them already.” She followed that up with this morning’s comment about how she is “really good at math, and at science, and at reading, and at all the stuff at school.” Mia is bright, but, truthfully, she is no math whiz. But, again, why close the door on her self-confidence? Even, if it is rather over-inflated. The time for self-doubt will come soon enough in life I’m afraid.

I just wish I had more of my children’s sense of endless opportunity.

Recently, while taking Mia to piano lessons, she asked me, “Mom, are you ever going to be anything?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know. Are you ever going to be something or are you always going to be just a mom?”

Ouch. I gotta admit that hit a nerve.

Of course, I told her about how much I love being a mom, how it is the most important thing I could possibly do with my time. I alluded to the challenges I face trying to forge a path to be “something” and make certain that it does not conflict with or distract me from what matters most. I even dredged up my past work experience as proof that I have been “something” at some point. But, when Mia tried to understand what I had actually done while working on legislative and policy matters for Congress, she distilled it down to, “So you did some stuff to help Dad?”

Ouch, again.

The truth is it only gets to me because I ask myself that same question all the time.

I know, completely, that I have chosen my path of motherhood. I chose to turn down educational opportunities when Mia was born. I chose to cut back to part-time work and move away from my job in DC. I chose, four years later, to quit work entirely and move away from all the contacts that I had cultivated. I CHOSE to be a mother. And, I would NEVER choose to do it differently. I love being the one to raise my children.

I have prayed many times in gratitude that motherhood found me BEFORE I executed my plan to run up $200,000 in student loan debt getting all sorts of advanced degrees and ensuring that I had no other economic or social choice but to work full time. Thank you, again, to an omniscient and loving God.

But, since motherhood found me before I found me, I have given a lot of thought to what I do want to be when I grow up. Practical thought. Not the endless sea of possibilities variety, since in all honesty, I have many limitations now. For example:

1- I am too old to be an Olympic athlete, an athlete of most any type, or a dancer. Just not going to start that career in my mid-thirties.

2- I am too lazy to dive into something that involves restarting my education and mastering completely new disciplines. This rules out anything requiring intensive science or mathematics, including going to medical school and practicing child psychiatry, which I have seriously considered in the past.

3- I am not interested in anything full-time, or with a long commute, or requiring me to be regularly unavailable to my family during “after-school” hours. So, “No” to resurrecting my lawyerly ambitions or my former career on Capitol Hill.

Oh, and did I mention that I want to do something that I find personally fulfilling and meaningful, and that I actually enjoy? Well, I do. So, no secretarial or mundane job that is mainly about bringing in some money, but not rewarding to me.

Given all the restraints it has been hard at times to figure out what I can do.

I have thought about what I enjoy doing: cooking, running, reading, writing, gardening, decorating, dancing, teaching, researching, analyzing and critiquing, even sewing and creating. I have considered fields such as photography, architecture, catering, clothing design, interior design, editing, education, politics, academia, wedding planning, flower arranging… It is a long, long list. But, with each, I have struggled to feel like I would actually love doing it that often. There are so many hobbies that lose their luster when turned into a career.

I feel that I have become a jack-of-all-trades. I do many things, pretty well, and nothing really well or with any authority or professionalism. At some level, this is what motherhood calls for: a moderate level of proficiency across the board. I have this, but I long for an area where I excel, where I have some credibility.

In the space that emerged after I quit work and moved across the country, I began to think differently about what I could “be.” Blessed with a husband who provides well for our family and not burdened with the economic necessity of having to bring in an income, I realized I could put time and effort into something creative, something risky, and something that I love.

But, here is the irony. I feel so paralyzed by fears of mediocrity that I actually avoid doing it. I worry that I don’t have the talent, the discipline, the tenacity to succeed. I pause at trying to cross the boundary between one of many things that I do pretty well, but without actual credibility, into something I really, legitimately do.

Right now, I could use a good dose of child-like confidence and optimism. I need to believe that I really can be anything I want. I need to feel the limitless possibility of youth.

Because sometimes successfully finding what I want to be when I grow up seems less likely than becoming a pirate.

Today Elsie Jane is...

18 months old
32 inches tall
24 pounds
hating the doctor, and the nurse, and the whole check-up process
always on the move
climbing on everything -- four falls last night alone: a ladder, a stool, a bike, a basket (turned upside down)
fiercely independent
very helpful if you need something unloaded, like the dishwasher, or the cupboards, or a purse
proficient in the use of the word "mine"
a constant explorer
trying to keep up with Mia and Maggie
loving being outdoors: chasing, riding new plasma cars, arranging tiny chairs, digging in the dirt
hating baths and showers and the pool
identifying her nose and mouth, and yours too if you stand close to her
a terror during sacrament meeting at church, on account of the fact that she is also...
a screamer, especially if her sisters try to take something away from her or force her to do anything or I try to have her sit still on my lap
happily going to nursery at church on her own (first time yesterday, Happy Mother's Day to Me!)
adorable when she lets me put pigtails in her hair
enjoying the chance to sample sweets, like a small ice cream cone or pieces of cookie
able to get herself a snack of her favorite goldfish crackers when hungry
starting up a shoe fetish
regularly getting toothpaste on things other than her teeth
learning to tiptoe
able to mimic all the moves I do with Maggie's dance class
interested in carrying bags and purses and pushing strollers for play
never wanting to be left out
making friends (She gave the most adorable hug to her friend Dallin the other day -- too sweet!)
proficient in fine motor skills, like drawing, eating with a fork, and inserting a straw in a lid
disinterested in television and unable to sit for a whole story
still going to sleep well with her binki and favorite blanket (She often takes a 3-4 hour nap)
already interested in toilet training (tried to take her diaper off and get on the potty like her sisters the other day)
constantly babbling, if you listen really close there are real words mixed in there
a carbon copy of Mia
an absolute beauty
pure joy

The Mom-o-sphere

I recently posted my 100^th blog entry. Yep, I did. I have been writing here for about two years now. And, it just seems like the right point in time to take a step back and evaluate why. Why do I write this blog? What is it I am trying to accomplish? Who am I writing this for, anyway?

I think the answers to this question have evolved. This blog began to share a bit about what happens in my little family with extended family and friends. But, over these two years, I must admit, it has taken a more personal tone. It has, for me, become less about just posting events and happenings and more of a repository for my thoughts. It is more about me.

Yet, it is still a “mom blog.” It is about me, but in the role of mother and from the perspective of my family. This is not the blog of a writer or a political hack. It is not about current events or recipes or crafts, although I throw those things in too. It is just about me as a mom. Which makes me wonder: what is up with the “mom blog” anyway?

There has been a good amount written in mainstream media about the emergence of “mom blogs.” The successes of those who turn writing about their off-spring into a profitable enterprise; the risks of exposing too much personal data on-line; the elusive drive for so many moms to engage this electronic platform.

As a “mom blogger” (a title I innately shun – why should my writing be defined by my relationship to my children, by my role as a mother? Those who read this blog regularly will not be surprised at my trepidation here and will note the same pride and self-delusions related to my youth that I have displayed at in previous posts. See the mini-van or Obama stories. Still, I must confess that since what I do all day, every day is be a mom, and what I write about is just what I do and think about, it pretty much all revolves around some aspect of mom-hood. I guess, once again, I should just embrace this statement of the obvious and move on.), I have considered this question of motivation and reward. Why do we, why do I, choose to engage in this forum?

Potential answers are countless.

Perhaps it is some form of expositionism, a need for a moment of glory or public acknowledgment.

Maybe it fills a similar role for moms as Facebook does for teens. Constant connection and self-promotion. Maybe we all seek our own, however limited, sense of celebrity status. We want to believe the public, some public, is as concerned with what we are doing, where we are eating or shopping, what is on our schedule, or the antics of our children as they are with the “Brangelinas” of our day.

There are plenty of blogs out there that seem to provide a needed self-esteem boost for moms. They’re the modern brag pages. They include the beauty, the accomplishment, the creativity and acquisitions of moms and their kids. They give a safe venue from which to say, “My child is brighter than yours.” “My child is cuter than yours.” “My home is nicer than yours.” “My life is better than yours.” And, as a natural extension, also provide moms with the needed reassurance.

Maybe, as I supposed when first beginning this blog, it is just a great way to keep in touch, provide updates, and communicate with a host of friends and family in various locations with great ease.

But, I have another theory based on the nature of motherhood itself. Particularly, stay-at-home mothering.

Parenthood, more than anything else I have experienced in life, seems to place me on a great precipice. There is the potential for enormous failure, for wrecking not only my own life but those of the people I love the most. The fear that I may fail to help my children learn to navigate this world in a responsible, compassionate, and thoughtful way. The overwhelming, looming possibility of their inadequacy, and subsequently my own.

And, yet, on the other side is the tremendous and tantalizing thought that I may succeed. That I may manage to raise brilliant, capable, self-reliant, devoted, loving people. That they will achieve independence, personal success, and righteousness.

Just to add to the enormity of the task that lies before me are the mantras of my religious culture that banter about in my head. “Families are forever.” “No success can compensate for failure in the home.” I believe these things. I really, truly, believe them. But boy, what a weight to carry around daily as I approach this monumental task of being a mother.

And, here is where my theory takes off. It is the day-to-day facing of something so huge, so critically important that is the real challenge. Because despite being incredibly valuable, on a day-to-day basis, it feels mighty mundane.

Nothing is more isolating, more challenging, more lonely, more exhausting than being a full-time mom.

Plus, it is often difficult to figure out how you are doing along the way. Formal employment offers performance assessments – key indicators of how you stack up, of how much you are accomplishing. Accomplishing. That is a key word, because, to be totally honest, motherhood is quite devoid of accomplishment. Few are the moments when you can stand back, assess your progress and say, “Look what I got done, now I’m going to take a break.” Because there are no breaks. There is no real rest. It is a constant process, an eternal obligation. Sure, you can go out for the evening, send the kids off to school for the day, even, but it doesn’t end the need to keep on mothering.

How do you rank your performance on tasks that are never complete? When you do the same thing every day, when you wash the same clothes and dishes, every day, when you pick up the same messes and vacuum the same crumbs, when you settle the same sibling quarrels, and teach the same lessons, every single day, it gets hard to know how you are doing. Whether it is amounting to much of anything.

Caring for kids is a singular work. It contains little adult conversation, or adult thought.

So, it is all the more essential to reach out, somehow, and feel like you are not truly alone in the struggle. To know that others are dealing with the same types of issues, day after day after day, too.

That is where I think the mom blog comes in. It is a hope, an attempt to share the frustrations, the joys, the challenges, the successes, the failures, the disappointments of motherhood. It is a need to account for what it is you actually do and connect to others.

Which brings me back to why I do this thing: why do I write a “mom blog”?

It is partly to keep in touch (and maybe even brag a bit) to family far away, to share some little moments that grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles miss when they only see us every six months.

It is also to write. To have a venue for the thoughts that run around in my brain and pester me until I put them down on e-paper.

It is also a way to document, for future reference the happenings of my life, and of my children’s lives. A journal, but far less personal, and hopefully, better written.

But, I think, most of all, it is to tell the truth about my life. To honestly talk about what I do and how I see it.

That is my one commitment when I write. I won’t sugar coat it. I won’t pretend that I am a mother that I am not, or that my family and children are something they are not. I won’t say I always love it or that I am always loving. I won’t carry on some charade about how our family has it all. We don’t. I don’t. Instead, I will just tell the truth.

And so this blog continues to range across the topics and happenings of my life. It is about what we do, and maybe about some accomplishments along the way. And, it is about me. What I think, what I struggle with, and mostly, what it is like for me to work at being a mom.

Now, 100 posts later, I am not certain where I want to go. Do I want to keep with the “mom blog” thing? Do I open my blog up and make it more public? What topics matter the most for me to write about – and in what format? Are my poems or essays as worthy of posting as the stories about the kids? Should I roll in my recipe blog (which I am terrible at updating) and make it all one? Should I focus more on formal writing, rather than anecdotes, or discuss more current events? Finally, if this is mainly about me, does it matter if anyone reads it, and if it does, should I think about what they may want to see here?

I have not yet decided what the future holds. But, if you have any ideas on where I should go, how to make this “mom blog” move up to the next level, feel free to share.

Blue!

So, these pictures are entirely for Erin and Ellie and Mom. Here is how the paint in my dining room turned out. I really like how it all came together. I am trying to decide on something to go above and below the large family picture -- rod iron pieces, vinyl lettering, sconces... I just can't make up my mind.

I forgot to take pictures of the half bath, but it is the same color with a black vinyl tree and birds on the large wall and some yellow, orange, and green towels for accents. Next week, I am going to take the light fixtures out of the half bath and spray them black, and it will be done as well. Maybe I will post the pictures then.