Things I will miss about Virginia

fireflies
the woods
trees and lush flowers
so many great friends
the young women I work with at church
a fabulous ward family
my house
being close to so many cultural and historic sites
Nathan's ice cream
Signal Hill Chick-fil-A
shopping at Tyson's corner
spring and fall
mild humidity -- not the variety in the middle of summer!
the Washington DC temple
crab cakes
hydrangeas
the rolling, green Virginia countryside
quality newspapers
Fourth of July's in DC

Seeing my Blessings

Last week I had the chance to reconnect with several old friends. In all honesty, I had been a little concerned. Sometimes these reunions just remind me of the many ways my life may have gone and the many opportunities I have given up. But, I was surprised that in addition to enjoying the chance to visit I also left each evening feeling grateful for the life I have, particularly for being a mother.

It may not be glamorous or always stimulating intellectually, but it is the most wonderful and important aspect of my life.

I am grateful for moments that help me to remember my blessings.

I felt that appreciation again the other morning when Elsie Jane snuggled in bed with me.

As I closed my eyes to get a few more moments of rest, she said, "Mommy, you hiding?"

I did not respond.

"Okay," she said. "I find you."

"1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5. Mommy where are you?"

I held still with my eyes closed, inches from her face.

"I find you Mommy!" she shouted, squealing with delight when my eyes popped open.

Then, we played it again.

Gratitude

I am grateful that everything is not up to me in life because I would short-sightedly put knowing and planning and being in control of everything at the top of my priority list.

If I were in control my house would have sold the very first week we put it up for sale and we would have had to be out and moved by the end of May.

We would have had no time to find another home and would have been displaced and separated for months while we rented a place for Jeffrey to live in DC and the girls and I stayed with family in Utah.

We would have worried about all the details during our recent vacation.

We would have missed the ability to finish so many things: school for Mia, my dance classes and final concert, the wedding I did flowers for a few weeks ago.

I was not ready to go then. I needed some time to come to terms with it. I needed to bring some things to completion. I needed to prepare myself.

While the future is still uncertain, I trust that it will all work out to our best interests.

Because it has so far.

And, I am very grateful, very grateful for how everything is going and how much better it is than I would have planned.

The Twinkle in a Daddy's Eye

Maggie has lots of concerns and questions about where babies come from. I am not ready to just lay out all the facts for my five year old, but I do try to give accurate responses to her questions.

The other night she asked me how it was that babies get into a mommy's tummy. (I think she has concerns about suddenly finding herself pregnant as, even though she is only five, she has HUGE fears of childbirth -- read more on that here.)

I told her that babies come when a part from the mommy and a part from the daddy come together. I was preparing to dodge the "How?" question when she proffered her own explanation.

"I know," she said. "So, when a mommy and daddy kiss then the mommy swallows the thing and then it can grow into a baby."

"Wellll..." I began, but then she interjected.

"Yeah, maybe it is like the daddy has a sparkly fairy in him, and then when the mommy and daddy kiss the fairy flies into the mommy's mouth and spreads sparkles all around. Then, when the mommy hic-ups the fairy can fly out and the sparkles stay and grow into a baby inside the mommy."

Truthfully, I didn't have any response.

I just told her that there usually was kissing and even sparkles, but really no fairies. I hid a smirk, kissed her good night, and quickly got out the door.

Faith and Diligence

I had to speak in church yesterday. And, get released from being the Young Women's President. And, have Jeffrey released from his time in the Bishopric. And, sing a beautiful song with all the young women. And, gather with all our friends to say "goodbye." It was not an easy day.

Many tears were shed. Many fond feelings and memories flooded my mind. It seemed so surreal that I had to keep reminding myself that we really were leaving, that it really was our final week there.

I sure am going to miss it!

I have felt like I should share my comments from church. I feel like too often lately I am engaging in blog-therapy and writing about what is hard and challenging for me. But, under it all, there has also been a lot of strength and support being given to me. This talk represented much of what I have been grateful to learn in this process.

Faith and Diligence

June 26, 2011

In the Book of Mormon’s opening account of Lehi’s family’s journey out of Jerusalem, we receive many metaphors and extended symbols with application in our lives. One of these if the story of the Liahona. After many days of traveling in the wilderness, after having sent his sons back twice to Jerusalem, and after many hardships, Lehi finds a ball of curious workmanship outside of his tent door. We know the story. This compass, of sorts, called the Liahona was prepared by the Lord to guide Lehi and his family to the promised land.

As Nephi explains, “And it came to pass that I, Nephi, beheld the pointers which were in the ball, that they did work according to the faith and diligence and heed which we did give unto them. And there was also written upon them a new writing, which was plain to be read, which did give us understanding concerning the ways of the Lord; and it was written and changed from time to time, according to the faith and diligence which we gave unto it. And thus we see that by small means the Lord can bring about great things.”

When Nephi refers to the small means by which the Lord brings about great things, he may be referring literally to a small ball which provided directions and brought about the great deliverance of Lehi’s family from starvation and death in the desert wilderness to their arrival in the land of promise. But more likely the small things that enabled great things to be brought to pass were the twin virtues which Nephi indicates were essential to his family receiving understanding and direction from the Lord: Faith and Diligence.

It is about these two principles, faith and diligence, that I would like to speak today. As is often the case, in my studies for this talk I have covered and considered enough material to fill hours of discussions. But, for today, I would like to focus on three key questions: 1-What is faith? 2-What is Diligence? 3-How do these two work together to bring about great things in our lives?

WHAT IS FAITH?

We learn in the scriptures that faith is “things which are hoped for and not seen” and further, “faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen which are true.”

So faith is inherently a hope and belief in something which is not seen or proven through the senses. We can use the word faith to denote a belief in many things and a hope for a certain outcome. We may place faith in many things. The news, the media, the philosophies of men, financial institutions, governments, other people. This type of faith involves a belief in the power or capacity of, trust in particular institutions or outcomes.

But, within the gospel, we are taught that the fundamental principle is not just generalized “faith,” not a blind belief or trust in any appealing idea or whim. Rather, faith must be placed in “that which is true” and at the core it is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ that we are to cultivate. It is this faith that must be planted in our hearts, nourished, and grown. It is the Word of Christ, not just any words, that will tell us all things to do, that will be unto us as a Liahona guiding us to eternal bliss, pointing the direction on our mortal journey.

So, what does it mean to have faith in Christ? And, how does that faith help us and guide us in the day to day aspects of mortality?

I think that faith in Jesus Christ exists at multiple levels. The first level is that of a testimony of the reality of His life and mission; it a belief that He lived and died for our sins; it is a testimony that he was resurrected. It is a belief that He lives and directs the church. This type of faith is a belief in that which we have not seen, but have found through the scriptures, witnesses of prophets and apostles and personal revelation to be true. It is based on principles and ordinances and eternal, universal truths.

This level of faith can bless our lives by giving us a knowledge of truth. It will guide us to participate in church activities, to study and to pray. This type of faith will help us to know what God expects of us and inspire us to keep the commandments and strive to live like the Savior we believe in.

But, the deeper level of faith in Jesus Christ comes not just from knowing about him and believing in him, it comes from internalizing the truths that flow from the reality of His life and allowing them to change our hearts.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks explained, “The word of God, which comes to us by scripture, by prophetic teaching, and by personal revelation, teaches us that we are children of God the Eternal Father. It teaches us about the identity and mission of His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer. Founded on our knowledge of those truths, faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is a conviction and trust that God knows us and loves us and will hear our prayers and answer them with what is best for us…Faith in the Lord is trust in the Lord. We cannot have true faith in the Lord without also having complete trust in the Lord’s will and in the Lord’s timing... When we have that kind of faith and trust in the Lord, we have true security and serenity in our lives.”

This level of faith blesses our lives because it allows us to overcome doubt and fear.

Fundamentally, all doubt and fear arises from the sense that we are alone, unloved, irredeemable, and hopeless. Our mortal experience ignites in all of us a fear that comes from the separation from God. Since the time of Adam and Eve, we have found ourselves alone here in a fallen state, afraid that perhaps there is no purpose to our existence, that we have no worth, or that our fallen natures and poor choices and sins will forever keep us here, that there is no way back, that we are unloved and unlovable.

To these fears, which arise so often in our hearts as we journey through mortality, the gospel of Jesus Christ provides the only sure antidote. It is not the temporary pleasure of wealth or the ever-changing and unreliable association with and adulation of friends. Instead the Savior of the world teaches us in His every word and action that there is a source of pure divine love and hope. He who sought out the one, who associated with lepers and sinners, who healed the ill and the broken hearted. He will not leave us comfortless; he will come to us. But, even more than all He did, it is the reality of what He was, the purpose in His life, that teaches us that we are not cast off, forgotten, alone, and irretrievably lost. He was the manifestation of God’s love, ordained from the foundation of the world so that we would have a path back to our Heavenly Father. He was the Savior who provides us with hope to overcome sin and fear. He was the divine manifestation of a Heavenly Father’s never ending compassion for His children, “For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son.” “Greater love hath no man than this.”

This personal knowledge and witness of God’s love and a complete trust in Him can anchor our lives; it is what is meant by faith in Jesus Christ.

WHAT IS DILIGENCE?

The scriptures teach of diligence as “Consistent valiant effort, especially in serving and obeying the Lord.” This type of unyielding effort is also described in these directives: Press forward, Endure, Continue, Labor without Ceasing, Be Firm, Steadfast, and Immovable.

Diligence is often lauded in the scriptures as an attribute of righteous leaders who teach their people continually and with their best efforts. Prophets regularly admonish the people to be diligent, and the diligent are praised.

The antithesis of diligence is slothfulness. It is laziness, inconsistency, and neglect.

Alma teaches that the degree of knowledge and understanding that we receive from the Lord is directly proportional to the degree of our diligence.

Really, diligence is faith in action. It is the manifestation of faith. It is the summary explanation of why “faith without works is dead,” because true faith motivates us to change our beliefs and our behaviors. Diligence teaches us that faith is not cultivated in passive resignation or a single moment of revelation, but through active effort.

SO, WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THE SCRIPTURES ABOUT HOW FAITH AND DILIGENCE COMBINE TO BRING FORTH THAT WHICH IS GREAT?

The Doctrine and Covenants teaches that faith and diligence are qualifying attributes for doing the Lord’s work. They are the essential in gaining victory and glory. The apostles writing in the New Testament include faith and diligence as aspects of the divine nature we are to develop so as to not be found unfruitful in the knowledge of the Lord.

But, perhaps one of the most instructive discourses on how these virtues are to work together in our lives comes from the extended allegory of a fruit tree found in Alma 32.

While there are many, I will focus on just three of the lessons Alma teaches therein about faith and diligence.

1- Faith is a choice. Whether or not we have it, whether or not it grows, is based upon our desires and actions. Alma says we must “desire” and “not cast it out by unbelief” or “resist the Spirit of the Lord.” These words demonstrate the level of choice we have in providing within our hearts nourishing soil and opportunity for faith to grow, not the rocky, thorny, barren space the Savior warned against.

In a recent General Conference Richard Edgely of the Presiding Bishopric stated it thus, “Be aware that faith is not a free gift given without thought, desire, or effort…it must be sought after and developed. Thus, we are responsible for our own faith. We are also responsible for our lack of faith. The choice is yours.”

Bishop Edgley went on to say that we do not have to know everything to have faith. Remember the definition of faith: it is things that are not seen. Faith requires that there is the unknown, even the unknowable. He says, “There is much that I do not know. I do not know the details of the organization of matter into the beautiful world we live in. I do not understand the intricacies of the Atonement, how the Savior’s sacrifice can cleanse all repentant people, or how the Savior could suffer “the pain of all men” (D&C 18:11). .. I do not know why my beliefs sometimes conflict with assumed scientific or secular knowledge… But while I don’t know everything, I know the important. I know the plain and simple gospel truths that lead to salvation and exaltation. I know that the Savior did suffer the pain of all men and that all repentant people can be cleansed from sin. And what I don’t know or don’t completely understand, with the powerful aid of my faith, I bridge the gap and move on, partaking of the promises and blessings of the gospel. And then, as Alma teaches, our faith brings us to a perfect knowledge (see Alma 32:34). By moving forward into the unknown, armed only with hope and desire, we show evidence of our faith and our devotion to the Lord.”

As Bishop Edgley teaches, it is by moving forward on what we know, on choosing faith that we begin to demonstrate diligence.

Which leads us to the second lesson about faith and diligence drawn from Alma 32:

2- Faith is organic. It can grow, live, and give off fruit. As a result, it can also wither, die, and cease to exist. If we want faith to grow, then we must “nourish it with great care, that it may get root, that it may grow up, and bring forth fruit unto us…But if ye neglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away…if ye will not nourish the word, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof, ye can never pluck of the fruit of the tree of life.”

Here we learn that faith grows when nurtured. The nurturing of faith occurs as we diligently act in obedience upon the part that we do know. We work; we obey; we study; we pray; we trust – without knowing everything we take what we do know, we act upon it, and then we receive more and our faith grows stronger.

And, within this process we then come to lesson #3:

3- Developing faith takes time and action. I think that this pairing of time and action are the essence of diligence. Diligence is work and effort over time. It is choosing faith over and over again by what we believe and what we do to create conditions in which faith can be and is cultivated. “If you will nourish the word by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life. And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious… and ye shall feast upon this fruit until ye are filled that ye hunger not, either shall ye thirst.”

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has taught that faith is always oriented on the future. It always embodies hope and a bright outlook about what is to come – the fruits. Diligence means then continuing to maintain our faith over time, through the necessary and inherent challenges that will come.

I have been struck lately by how the stories of the gospel are full of journeys. Exoduses of groups of people away from destruction and sin: Lehi and his family, Lot and his family, Abraham, the Brother of Jared. The deliverance of people from bondage, literal and spiritual, such and Moses leading the children of Israel, Alma and his followers fleeing the courts of King Noah, the people of Ammon. The entire early history of the Saints in this dispensation. Each of these accounts teaches us about faith and diligence in action.

We learn about faith that is strong enough to motivate action. This journeying always comes with great sacrifice. Sacrifice of something is an essential element in growing faith. We also learn that true faith in Jesus Christ helps us to do more than just follow a prophet through the wilderness, it helps us to trust in the Lord so deeply and believe so fully in his loving, tender mercy, that when things get rough, when bows are broken and we face starvation, when Pharaoh’s armies descend upon us, when we find ourselves enslaved, or face mounting snow and treacherous landscapes, we don’t look back, don’t wonder if it would have been better to stay in Jerusalem or in Egypt or in Nauvoo or in unbelief uncommitted to the Lord. Instead, when trials and opposition and difficulty come, as they will in life, true faith does not waver, it grows through diligence in applying the gospel. This is how faith and diligence bring about great things in our lives – they enable us to keep going and they remove the paralyzing effects of doubt and fear and in so doing call down Heavenly aid, and power and love instead.

In conclusion, I hope you will forgive a personal example. During the last few months our family has been preparing to make a big move across the country. This has been a time of great uncertainty, and even some nervousness and fear, on our parts. We have faced lots of questions and potential outcomes that could sabotage our plans and that could stop us from choosing to move forward. We had felt inspired, guided, good and happy and excited about this possibility for Jeffrey’s career and for our family. But, as the reality has drawn closer, more concerns have arisen. What if we don’t like Boise? Where will we live? Will we find a ward we like? Will we make friends? Will Jeffrey’s new job work out? And the big, looming question: will we sell our house? And, for enough money to pay for the improvements and moving expenses and a downpayment on another home?

Now, in this situation, I am prone to say and have regularly told myself that I just need to have faith. But, faith in what? Faith that the house will sell? Well, based on all we have discussed, I know that faith is based in something that is not seen, but is true. That the house will sell may be true, but it may not. And, it is not an eternal truth. I can exercise faith in that reality, but it is a shaky foundation. Faith that my house will sell will not stand up well if it doesn’t. The type of faith needed here is true faith in Jesus Christ -- not just a vague belief in God or an intellectual understanding of the life of Christ. What I have needed is faith nurtured by experience that provides deep and abiding assurance of how God works with his children, and in particular me. During the last few months, as I truly have feasted on the words of Christ and come to know him therein, I have come to know how he speaks to me and loves me. And, I can trust in that during this time of great uncertainty. I have found strength and solace in the scriptures, in the words of living prophets, in the temple, and in the remembrance of other times of great concern in my life when the Lord worked great miracles on behalf of me and my family.

I would like to say that I have been like Nephi and never murmured, but at times I have sounded more like Laman and Lemuel. Yet, when I have turned back to the source of my faith, when I have increased my diligence, I have felt the Lord guiding my family and giving us understanding, just as He did with the Liahona for Lehi and his family.

In four short days, I will load my three children into the car and begin a trek across the country. We are going to travel North: first, to Palmyra, New York then through Kirtland, Ohio and Nauvoo and Carthage, Illinois and Liberty, Missouri and Winter Quarters Nebraska and on to Salt Lake City, Utah. I have thought often the last few weeks of my predecessors who made this journey on foot. I have felt a kinship with them as I have packed up all my belongings to send them into the unknown, as I am leaving behind a beautiful home and countryside and the warmth and familiarity of friends to go to a place I do not know and live a life I can only vaguely imagine. I have wondered at the courage and conviction that could have enabled them to leave in far harsher conditions to travel on foot, rather than in an air conditioned vehicle, only to arrive in a place none of them had ever before seen.

How is such courage possible? It comes from a firm and unshakeable faith in Jesus Christ. While my journey is by comparison mild and luxurious, the sense of fear and trepidation I have over all that is unknown may be no less. In some ways it may be harder to have faith because I don’t get to rely on the voice of a prophet or the testimonies of others who know that this journey is the right one to make. In this instance, I must trust directly in the voice of the Lord speaking to me and my family. I must know Him. I must have the courage to follow Him with faith, not doubt or fear.

It is my testimony that He lives. That Jesus Christ is His Son, and that the fullness of His gospel is contained in this, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know that He is a kind, and a loving, and a merciful God who delights to bless and teach His children and who is always reaching out for us. This is the anchor in my life; it is the hope in the uncertainty and doubt and sin of the world, and it is my greatest treasure. I am so grateful that each day I can repent and work to more fully choose faith and demonstrate diligence in my devotion to Him.

Losing It

I feel a bit lately like I am losing it.

What is it? Well, you name it, and it has probably gone recently. My patience, my temper, my memory, an item I need around the house, my schedule, my diet, my goals, my expectations, the familiar, my life.

You know how Jesus teaches that you have to lose your life to find it? Well, I feel right now like I am in the middle of that process of losing it. And, I am just hoping that I will find it eventually.

Don't get me wrong. This is not a cry for help. I don't need people to help me pack or bring me dinner or do anything for me. There is nothing anyone can do anyway. It is just that I am in an emotional place of letting go of everything, and, truthfully, it isn't easy.

I think as humans we have a tendency to hold on tight. We struggle to let go, to accept change, to cope with the uncertain. We want guarantees, formulas, predictability, the familiar. When we have to relinquish all of that it is not easy.

I was remarking how any one of the things I am letting go of would on its own be tough:
being finished with my work with the Young Women at church,
having some of our best friends move away and my shy daughter lose her BFF,
bidding farewell to our home that we love and have finally gotten all fixed up
-- all would be hard and bring some sad moments and trepidation. But, doing all of it at once, plus saying goodbye to ALL our friends, leaving our favorite place to live, facing the logistics and work of packing the whole house, keeping the house constantly clean with all the kids home from school, still being uncertain as to when the house will sell, feeling nervous and uncertain about what will await us in a new place....it is just a lot.

I keep thinking that the lesson I need in life is to let go, and this certainly is good practice.

I just hope it won't be too long before I start finding things again.

Stay Tuned

I have been thinking about my blog a good bit lately. I haven’t really been writing on it much. But, I have been thinking about it. I have done this in the past as well and wondered whether I need a clearer sense of purpose, a more defined audience for my ramblings. But, I just did not know what to do.

Now, I have some good ideas. Ideas that will increase the focus of various posts and the variety of topics covered. It will even mean I write more frequently. (Which you may or may not think is a good thing.)

I am excited about the changes I have in store. It is going to be awesome.

But, I cannot pull it off until I complete my cross-country move and get myself and my family settled into our new home.

So, this is really just a very early teaser to say, “Stay Tuned.” Coming January 2012 I’ve got some big plans. Be ready for more ideas on food, décor, florals, activities, and just more frequent writing by yours truly….

And, in the meantime, while you anxiously await my new and improved blog, you can let me know if you have any suggestions.

Travelogue

So, this post has nothing to do with moving – which obviously, if you look at my previous 9 posts, is the only thing I have been thinking about or writing about lately. Sorry!

This is my update on all the OTHER stuff that has been going on at the Merchant’s.

Like a fun trip into DC to see the cherry blossoms with my sister and my parent’s super-awesome friends Joie and Kimball.

Like our outing to the zoo with the Jones family over spring break. Man, we are going to miss them. (Maggie informed me the other day that she would prefer to not have either of her sisters and just have her BFF Kendall as her twin instead.)

Like building a fire pit in the backyard and cooking out in our woods.

Like my parents’ visit in April and our trip to Gettysburg and Philadelphia.

Like taking the girls to the White House Easter Egg Roll.

And, like our super-awesome trip to DisneyWorld and Cruise on the Disney Dream.

Room for a Pony

Jeffrey and I like British comedies: dry humor and witty lines. Lately, it is Hyacinth from Keeping Up Appearances, the socially-aspiring, condescendingly snobbish, constantly looking to impress with her powerful and wealthy connections character whose voice keeps running through my head.

Hyacinth’s sisters are a disgrace to her. Uncultured, uncivilized, unassuming, poor, they are the opposite of all that Hyacinth longs to be. Except for her sister, Violet, who is never mentioned without Hyacinth bragging that she’s “the one with the Mercedes, the sauna, and room for a pony.”

So, last week when the girls sat down together, consulted, and then presented Jeffrey and I with a list of their requests for a new house, I couldn’t shake the impression that I was being charged to find a home worthy of Hyacinth’s social prowess, complete with a “pool,” “playground,” “separate bedrooms,” “large yard,” and “room for a pony.”

In fact, it is “room for a pony” that now tops Mia’s wish list. She has taken to anxiously begging me at every possible opportunity to guarantee her that our new home in Idaho will be able to accommodate the horse that she is planning to buy.

Apparently, she dreamt of the horse several nights ago. In her dream, we surprised her with a miniature white horse for her birthday, which she named Snow White. She has been assuring me that that based on her reading a miniature horse would be a good idea since they eat much less and require less space than their fully-grown counterparts. Besides, she has figured out how to save the $500 (which is a sum she knows is adequate to purchase a miniature horse since last summer she and her buddy, Garrett Jones, hatched a plan to pool their money together and secure joint ownership of a miniature horse which was for sale at the county fair – after being devastated when she arrived with $30 and discovered she was $470 short, she has not forgotten how much she needs to turn her dream into a reality) over the next two years by saving allowance money and asking her grandparents for cash for her birthdays and Christmas.

However, in an effort to redirect her interests, I fear Jeffrey may have made it worse. He convinced her that a miniature horse was a rather useless creature, and if she was going to actually have a horse it ought to at least be able to be ridden. Makes sense to me. But, in the process, Mia has sensed permission to go ahead and work on getting a horse. Which, apparently, Jeffrey also told her if she saved half the money to purchase it, he would supply the other half.

I have told her that I know nothing about horses. They are very expensive. They require a lot of work. And, I am not sure I even want one.

All my concerns have fallen on deaf ears.

Mia has spent the last week devouring books secured from three different trips to the library with titles such as, Buying Your First Horse and The Encyclopedia of Horses.

She is learning a lot.

Every day she has a list of additional items I am going to need to purchase: a trailer to haul her horse in, for example. But, not to worry, she is asking Santa for riding gear for Christmas this year (so I won’t have to buy that!).

Yesterday, she came out of school and promptly declared, “I’m in love!” with a tone and inflection that had me a bit worried, until she told me that her crush was on a certain breed of horse, the Appaloosa, which apparently is native to Idaho. Once we move in, we can drive north to Moscow and even visit the Appaloosa Museum. (Mia is already planning a trip.)

I am trying to not -- in my practical, rational approach to life -- crush her dreams. I am striving to just let her be.

I have absolutely committed to arrange horse back riding lessons for her when we move in and have researched several stables in the Boise area.

But, I fear what will happen when we finally select a house, and there is not room for a pony.

Perhaps, she will adopt the attitude of general disdain for her family that Hyacinth embodies when she confides in her husband, “You know I love my family, but that's no reason why I should have to acknowledge them in broad daylight!”