Summer Sampler

Giddy

To say I have been more excited about the end of the school year and the advent of summer than my kids would be an understatement.  I have been so very ready for this time to begin.  I think I was about done with trying to keep to a good routine, enforce bedtimes, and encourage the timely completion of homework around Spring Break.  And, taking off for 8 days in California, followed by a quick weekend to Utah, and then a long Memorial Day in McCall didn’t help my outlook.  I was finished with school.  

And, so were my kids.  Thank goodness we are done now and not facing the three more weeks into June that we always had to trudge through in Virginia!

I have been really excited about the promise of this summer for over a year.  Mostly because I felt like I did not get a real, true summer last year.  With the move, the stress, multiple cross-country trips, living out of suitcases and then losing about a month since school let out three weeks later in Virginia and started a week and a half earlier in Idaho – I do not even know what happened to last summer.

Besides, I have wanted to figure out how to have more control and routine in our summers.  We got in the habit early into our lives as Virginians of packing up for five, six, or seven weeks of summer and trekking back to Utah.  We got to have lots of family time, attend reunions, meet up with old friends, and even do fun lessons for the girls.  But, in the end, it was exhausting to be away from home for so long, and it meant that we never really had a pattern or rhythm of our own.  One bright spot of moving closer to family, for me, was the promise of being able to change our summer traditions.

In sum, I have high hopes and great expectations about this summer.  I just hope it can live up to all I want it to be.

Reality Check

As summer has drawn nearer I have had to face the reality of how it may not go quite according to my plans.  I have watched my children get tired, grouchy, and irritable with each other and me, and wondered, “Why am I excited to have them all home all day every day?”

I have been trying to remind myself regularly that it is not going to all be smooth and calm and peaceful and creative.  I am going to have to reach deep for the emotional resiliency to deal with what will most likely occur and not get too discouraged and just give up on my plans.  I hope my well of patience and faith is that deep!

A Summer of Healing

My desire for this summer has been for it to be a time of healing for me and my oldest daughter, Mia. 

Mia has struggled with school since kindergarten.  It is not that she is not bright – she is, that is part of the problem.  It is not that she is not doing well academically – she is.  It is not that she is trouble in class or hangs out with the wrong kids or does anything that is objectionable – she does not.  In fact, her teachers report that she is the perfect student.   It is not that Mia was not prepared well for school or does not have a stable, supportive home environment – she was and does.  Which makes it all the more heart-breaking and challenging that Mia hates going to school.

There is something about the requirement of sitting in a desk all day, being on perfect behavior, having to deal with rules and expectations of teachers and the acting out of her classmates that combine to make Mia a nervous wreck.  It manifests in her tantrums, fits, and anxiety attacks in the morning before school.  It comes out in her extreme moodiness, orneriness, and generally unhappy disposition after school.  It makes homework a nightmare and bedtime a dreaded chore.  And, the saddest part is that Mia is a naturally happy, joyfully dispositioned person.  But, not when she is in school.

There have been worse times and better times.  Years with teachers that she has liked and felt more comfortable with, and much worse years.  Our move across the country was, in part, driven by a desire to find a more nurturing and positive school environment for Mia.  And it worked, sort of. 

I love my kids’ elementary school.  Having worked in education and education policy for years, and having excelled in school myself, I always expected sending my kids to school to be a very positive experience.  I was geared up for being an involved parent, volunteering in class and the PTA, shuttling them around to extra-curricular activities, giving the type of support and attention that I would have liked as a kid.  I was not prepared for a child who was so very capable and yet so completely unraveled by the school experience.

As I have watched my daughter, I have often felt trapped.  We could not afford private school, and even if we could, I was not certain the experience would be much better.  I did not know if a different public school would suit her better.  And, when she begged me to pull her out and homeschool her, I had to honestly recognize that I knew it would be a stressful and potentially detrimental experience for both of us.  I simply did not feel like I had many options.

Then, about six months ago as Jeffrey and I were talking about Mia and her future education, I had an idea that I could homeschool her -- just for Jr. High.  Since my girls are spaced just far enough apart, she will start Jr. High the year that Elsie Jane begins all day school in first grade.  And, none of my girls will be Jr. High age at the same time.  As I considered the idea, it began to take hold.  I could have this one-on-one time and experience with each of my daughters during these emotionally and socially challenging years of significant academic growth.  I could remove them from that environment and spare them the social pressures of public school from 12-15.  And then, hopefully, they would be ready to pursue at least some more academically rigorous courses in High School.  But, I was not sure I could really do it.

Most of all, I was not sure that my personality and Mia’s personality could peacefully co-exist for that long or in that setting.  She will not accept correction or direction from me.  She is distracted and disorganized.  She makes messes and never cleans them up.  She fights me whenever I ask her to do anything.  She throws fits about chores and homework and even having to brush her hair or teeth.  She demands my constant attention and is rarely satisfied with days spent in the routines and small activities of home. It could be incredibly stressful to have her home all the time.  But, still, I wanted to believe it could work.

Around the time that this idea took hold I began reading about Waldorf education.  This approach to teaching children harmonized beautifully with Mia’s personality.  It was all about nurturing the whole child, teaching in a way that respected the spiritual nature and capacities of children, which valued their need to move, create, explore, and become whole beings.  I longed to be able to send my daughter to this type of a school, but there are none in Boise, and I could not afford it anyway.  But perhaps, I thought, I could learn how to teach in this way at home.  Maybe I could create this type of nurturing environment on my own.

I am not ready to pull my kids out of public school.  I am not prepared to jump into home schooling all the way.  But, I remembered my dear friend Shaunae writing about how she fulfills her desire (and maybe even assuages a little guilt) to homeschool her children by doing “mom school” with them in the summer.  Perhaps, I thought, I could use the summer to experiment, to see if I could possibly handle such an idea.  Perhaps, the summer could be a time to heal and nurture my daughter in the ways that I had not been able to provide for her earlier in her life.  Perhaps, I could supplement her traditional education with something that would help to fill in the emotional gaps. 

So, I decided that this summer would be a mini-trial. 

I thought and read and prayed and pondered and came up with a schedule for each day and the week.  I determined to try to teach the subjects taught to nine year olds in Waldorf schools.  Nine year olds, who so very well match the emotionality of my daughter. 

Project Summer

I have prepared well for this summer by creating a ton of lists.  Just my style.

This is how I get through hard times, anticipate exciting times, set goals, and plan for the future.  I make lists.

And for a summer that I wanted to turn out quite perfectly, I had to write a lot of lists.

There is our list of all the activities that we are going to do.  Designed to excite, inspire, and ward off any degree of possible boredom or any ruts we may fall into, this list is extensive.

There is a list of what we are going to do each day – our daily and weekly schedule.

There is a list of meals that I can prepare each day, so I do not have to think too much about what to fix to eat.

There are lists of what I expect my girls to do each day, the types of activities that I have determined are essential and must be done before we commence our daily fun activity.

There are lists and charts to help them perform their daily chores to my satisfaction.

There is a calendar of the key events and travel dates for the summer.

There are a lot of plans.  I am not certain if they will ensure me the desired outcome.  But, hey, it never hurts to try.

Reflections 

Day 1- With all my big plans for summer weighing heavily in my mind, I wanted to meet the first day of summer with energy and enthusiasm.  Perfectly prepared and in the right frame of mind.

Instead, I spent three and a half hours yesterday afternoon going on Relief Society visits to sisters in our ward.  When I arrived home at 8 pm, everyone was hungry.  The nachos and cinnamon rolls, the truly healthy fare they had for lunch, had worn off and I had no plans for dinner.  Every room in the house was littered with debris.  The bonus room where the kids had hung out watching a movie during my absence had toys covering the entire floor, at least two inches deep.  The kitchen had two sinks full of dirty dishes, and since Mia had forgotten to start the dishwasher the night before, a dishwasher full of dirty dishes as well.  The floor was covered in dirt and crumbs.  Everything was a mess.  And, I was exhausted with a headache and simply unable to do more than cook up tortillas and get the kids into bed by 9:30.  How I wondered as I fell off to sleep could I possibly begin my week, and my big summer, this way? 

Nothing turns me into a grouchy mama more than a disgusting home with whiny children who do not want to help me clean and feeling like I have too much to do.  It did not look like a promising start to a summer that was supposed to be about me creating a calm, loving, nurturing environment.  Please I prayed, let me have the strength to remain patient in the chaos.  Please, let me maintain some perspective and sense of priority.

At 6:15 my alarm went off.  I lay in bed for a few minutes and then sleepily roused myself.  I collected the dog, put the three year old who was waking way too early in my spot to sleep, hunted around for my ear phones before giving up on music, and headed off on a run.

I returned and managed to get in a short prayer, meditation, writing, and study time, before having to stop and wake the girls so Mia could make it to her first day of swim team.

Things ran okay as I got ready for the day, trusted the girls to get ready, and tried to deal with the house mess, but I had to brace myself for Mia’s reaction to the mess she was supposed to clean up.  It was bad, as I knew it would be.  I helped her with her chores, without getting frustrated or overly reprimanding her, and then I set aside the remainder of my work while we held “mom school.” Of course, this was when Maggie began showing signs of extreme hunger and yelling at me when I said we were going to base our studies on the Old Testament.  “That is not school, that is church and it is boring.  This is going to be stupid now because it is just going to be about stupid Jesus.”  I managed, again, not to react and quickly fed her, which caused a complete change in her attitude and allowed our school time to go quite well.  We recited a Wordsworth poem, read about the creation in Genesis, and wrote about how the Earth was created in a way that nurtures mind, body, and spirit.  Rest time was tough, and I resorted to letting the girls watch television for an hour.  Then, I delayed our shopping trip and took them to the pool.  I had to leave in the evening which threw off that part of the day, but overall, I felt it went pretty well.

Day 2- I weathered a different meltdown from Mia.  She was late getting ready for swim team and was being unkind to Maggie and me.  I did not let her walk over with her best buddy since I said she needed to work things out with the family, so she was running a bit late.  She yelled at me and sulked all the way to the pool, saying it was my fault she was late and she hated me.  I had to practically undress her once there and just keep telling her that she was going to stay and swim, which she did.  But, when she returned home, she was cheerful and happy to have gone.  Mom school went well.  We looked at plants and talked about photosynthesis.  We wrote about how to nurture testimonies like caring for plants.  We did math games and music and Mia did a spa relaxation with us, which got under my skin a bit with all the mess she created, but I let it go.  Rest time was a total success, as was the girls’ playdate.  I worked on some sewing during this time, which was nice in terms of getting my last project completed, but made a huge mess.  The evening was crazy as I had to run to two different church meetings and did not get home until nearly 11.  The house was left a mess, and I was more than exhausted.

Day 3- I was so tired I did not get up to workout and was running late on my scripture time.  I felt on edge from the beginning of the day.  The AC guy came to look at our unit and I felt my agitation growing over that potential expense.  I had sewing all over, mess from the night before, and I felt tired.  All my plans seemed effortful, not joyful. 

Mom school went okay, but it was, once again, a late start and everyone was hungry.  The girls spent much of the time bickering and fighting, and I felt myself tensing.  My reaction was to try and control the situation.  And, I simply did not know how.  We had a good chat about the brain and integrating the right and left to deal with overwhelming emotions, which apparently sunk in not at all, as the girls proceeded to lash out at one another.  Mia whined about doing math, and Maggie did not do it at all.  They also did not read.  We did read some flower fairy poems and talked about writing and drawing their own.  Rest time was a total bust.  I did not get any down time to myself.  We walked to the library activity at the barn, which was nice for getting out, and we stopped for them to climb their favorite tree next to the creek.  I made granola bars and the girls played with a friend later.  They had fun, and even cleaned up most of their mess while I tried to finish the sewing projects.  But, it was just a hard day. 

Day 4- Trying to catch my breath.  We went to the park this day, had a friend over for Elsie Jane to play with, cleaned up all the messes, and had an okay school time -- I can hardly remember what we did, but I know it was related to creation and the Earth.  The evening ran better, but despite some great moments, I am not sure I can be cut out for homeschool ever.  We are only four days into summer, and I am ready for a break!

Day 5-I reclaimed my personal time this morning.  This is the KEY.  

The kids did a great job on their chores this morning and doing all of their “school work,” like playing math games, reading and practicing instruments.  For our mom school time today we took a hike.  We observed the beauties that naturally occur in the environment around us, just like in the flower fairy poem we had been reading.  The girls found their favorite wild flowers along the trail, so cute as they really considered each one along the way and thought about their choice, and then used it as inspiration to draw their own flower fairy pictures.  We stopped next to a little waterfall by the creek and found spots to sit and use our oil pastels.  I unloaded the art supplies from my backpack and all of the girls and I dove into our projects.  They spent nearly an hour quiet and attentively working on their drawings.  It was so peaceful and calm.  The projects turned out well, and I thought:  this is why I could homeschool my kids. 

In sum, week one was an excellent trial.  I do not know what will happen as further weeks unfold.  Will the girls continue to make progress on just happily doing their chores?  Will they get along better?  Will our lessons continue to be engaging and rewarding?  Will my deep goal of seeing my oldest daughter calm and happy be realized, or will she continue to be a ball of emotions and nerves?

I simply cannot say.  We scrapped most structure and headed out of town for the next two weeks, but when we return to Boise we will have seven uninterrupted weeks to devote to creating a working rhythm and nurturing environment at home.  I am still hopeful that it can be done.  

I have not given up yet!