Blessings...

My little Elsie Jane is now three months old. I wonder if time seems to go faster when it is measured in months rather than years? Yet, during those first 12 months, it makes such a difference.

My mom and sister came into town to visit and be here for Elsie Jane's blessing day. My nephew, Will, came along. I have only seen Will twice before -- once at 1 month and last summer at about 6 months. He turned one year old last week, and -- despite the fact that Mia and Maggie believe his full name is "Baby Will" -- next to Elsie it is clear that he is not a baby anymore.

Elsie Jane is smiling and cooing at us. She is so strong and responsive. The newborn phase has already passed me by.

Last Sunday, she was blessed by Jeffrey at church. I was grateful to have some family in town and many sweet friends to share Elsie Jane's blessing with us. It seemed like a fitting day for celebrating Elsie Jane. The sun was shining; there was an abundance of food and company and love.

On days like that, I look at my three beautiful girls and I can't help but think of how blessed I am to be their mother.

I feel like time is racing past me, and I cannot hold on to enough of these moments. I used to long for days when my children would finally be in school, and I could figure out what to do with the next phase of my life. It seemed like time was dragging along. Now, with Mia off to school all day and little Elsie Jane growing up before my eyes I just wonder what changes I need to make to fully enjoy my little girls. I mourn for all the moments I have been too busy and pray it is not too late to fill their world with an overflowing of love and wonder.

I know too well that soon they won't be here with me all day. Kindergarten has been a bit of a challenge that way already. I know they will experience pain and saddness, pressure and tons of conditional love and acceptance. I fear they may be rejected, judged harshly, and ridiculed in their lives. I wonder every day what I can do to ensure that home is the safe and warm sanctuary to which they can always return, and to which they will always be drawn.

I have done enough work, enough worrying, enough planning in their lives. I want to excel at playing, marveling, and smiling. I have done too much scolding and correcting. I want to fill their lives with peaceful, happy acceptance. I have spent too much time sick and distracted (especially over the past year!). I long for health and energy and a reserve of patience.

I have just over five years and Elsie Jane will be off to school all day; Mia will be in Young Women's and middle school, and I will have to re-invent my life again.

For now, as I re-emerge from the fog of pregnancy, I feel a new sense of purpose and desire to immerse myself in the day-to-day blessings of having little children, because before I know it, they will be grown.