Seizing the Moments

So, with record storms hitting the DC metro region, over 32 inches of snow over this last weekend, we have had a lot of unexpected family time.

I want to be able to say that I just love all this time off. But, the truth is that these unexpected “holidays” are a real struggle for me.

We had a big storm the week before Christmas which meant that everyone was home – and rather stuck in the house too – for about 5 days more than I had planned on. Since going back to school and work in January there has not been one full week -- with holidays, teacher work days, and snow days. Which is not all bad.

I really do like having my kids around – and my husband for that matter. I have scheduled some needed, playdates with friends (which are always a challenge to fit in around school). We have been to the National Gallery of Art -- twice. We have had family movie nights with homemade pizza. We have had fun times. I am a fun mom. Really. I am.

At least, I can be. When I have notice.

The problem is that when family time is thrust upon me unexpectedly I am a rather lousy mom.

I am no fun at all.

I hate this about myself. I really wish I were a spontaneous person.

I know a lot of really great moms who are good at stopping what they are doing to play chase, read stories, take excursions, learn about the plants and critters they see in their yard. Oh, how I wish I was that sort of mom.

But, I am not. I have a HUGE need to plan ahead and a tremendous compulsion for order.

So, having everyone at home when I don’t know what I am going to do to keep them busy, when I was planning on getting other things done, and when – in all honesty – it is positively impossible to keep my house clean with all my kids and my husband in it all day, well, it just kind of annoys me. I hate to admit it, but it’s true.

But, I am really trying to work on this aspect of my personality, this dimension of my parenting. In normal “real life” this means I create certain rules for myself, like I only clean on Mondays or I stop everything I am doing from 4:20-8 pm when Mia gets home from school. This helps, but does not exactly ensure that I am good at taking advantage of little moments to just enjoy being with my kids, but I am trying to plan and schedule for those better too.

Plan and schedule. See, therein still lies my problem.

My deep desire is to let those happy, loving, teachable moments just flow from me. But, it is hard to do that when I have things I feel like need to be done and even harder when suddenly everyone is at home ensuring that none of those things will actually get done.

So, then last week unfolded. Wednesday brought an unexpected snow day that amounted to me just feeling frustrated and, once again, like a lousy mom. Then, I looked at the forecast and knew that it was likely my kids and husband would not be leaving the house again for a VERY long time, and I decided I needed to change my approach.

First, I bundled all my kids up for a crazy grocery shopping adventure in which I realized that when faced with a major snow storm people buy really inexplicable items – seriously, there was lots of water in the stores, bread, cheese, lettuce, but not a lick of soda pop, beer, or tabloid magazines on the shelf. I also ran into some trouble trying to secure some milk, but otherwise, the items I thought were necessities were apparently inconsequential to the shoppers that I saw leaving with (literally) 10 bottles of wine or (also true) 20 bags of rice cakes and nothing else.

Then, I made myself a promise: I will do something fun with my kids each day we are home, however small. I will not worry if the house is a mess (I keep repeating this one in my mind – even now – “I will not worry if the house is a mess. I will not worry if the house is a mess.”) And, I will limit chores to one task each day, for example, today everyone had to help clean the basement. Tomorrow, we will fold laundry. Just one. Those are my rules.

To say I have succeeded, that we have had a blissful time at home together, would be a lie. It has not been that simple. But, we have had some good times.

We have cleaned our long drive-way of the ridiculous quantity of snow that fell by Saturday morning (three and a half hours of work, with a snowblower that we almost decided to throw away last spring since it seemed to be taking up too much room in our garage and doing us very little good here in Virginia). Given how my back still feels, I don’t know if it should be classified as a “good” time, but it was memorable.

We have made snowglobes.

We have made pizza and popcorn and watched a movie together.

We have read stories.

We have spent hours building a snow fort and a toboggan run on our side yard.

We have had “church” at home, including a testimony from Maggie and a 20 minute talk by Mia in which she used at least 45 Little People to act out the Council in Heaven, Creation of the Earth (with all the animals), and the Fall of Adam and Eve.

We have had family home evening.

We have baked cookies and brownies and had several rounds of hot chocolate.

We have made embroidery samplers for the girls to sew while I read to them – best activity yet; I could not believe how well Maggie did with her first try at stitching.

It has not been entirely spontaneous. I have not spent as much time in fun as I would have liked. I have been more tired and busy than I would have hoped. But, the opportunities have not totally passed me by.

I have seized some moments. We have created some fun times.

And, with tomorrow, and likely Wednesday, and maybe Thursday causing the schools and government to shut down, I have more time ahead of me to practice.

So, I am looking ahead to more snow and its gift of time. Time to spend with my family. Time to do things I never would plan to do. Time to practice being the mom I want to be.

Maybe, if it snows enough, I will become an expert at enjoying all this unplanned family time.

But, I don’t know if the forecast includes that much snow.