Cross Country Trip Field Notes: Day 5

We drove south today from Chicago to Carthage Illinois, site of the martyrdom of the Prophet Joseph Smith.

I was grateful I had been here before since Elsie Jane was incapable of quietly holding still and not disturbing the tour. While Jeffrey, Mia and Maggie walked through the original jail (the first historic site ever purchased by the church), I watched Elsie Jane run around the grounds and reflected on the last time I had been to Carthage and Nauvoo.

Twelve years ago Jeffrey and I were engaged and working in Washington, DC as interns when I visited Carthage and Nauvoo with Mom, Erin, Aunt Cheryl and Grandma and Grandpa Tuttle. Grandma and Grandpa had been serving as missionaries nearby in Bowling Green, Missouri. That day, we picnicked with them on the banks of the Mississippi River and then toured the church history sites. In my recollections, Grandma and Grandpa were so happy then. They were healthy and excited to show us around. They were, of course, well beloved by the people in their small branch. Today, I felt so grateful for those memories. It is hard to believe that both of them are gone now. Amazing to think of all that has transpired since then.

As I stood under a big tree outside the Carthage Jail, I was overcome with a sudden sense of grief, a knowledge of how moments in life can never be recaptured and opportunities to express love can never be regained. I felt appreciation for my grandparents' unwavering commitment and dedication to the church, which has led to my faith and my ability to share it with my children. And, I experienced a powerful, distinct sense of closeness to them. I felt for a moment their presence with me, there in Carthage. I knew that more often than I realized they were near, watching over me and my little family.

The Christmas that my grandparents were missionaries they sent me a leaf, encased in plastic with my name written on it in gold. It was a simple book mark, taken from the leaves that fell outside of Carthage Jail that fall. Today, as I waited for my family to finish their tour, I looked down to find one, single leaf -- the same size and shape from the same tree outside of Carthage Jail -- and for just a moment I imagined my grandparents sending their love to me again.

Mia and Maggie left Carthage Jail in awe. I was pleased to sense their reverence and appreciation for Joseph Smith.

We ate sandwiches and sang hymns on our drive to Nauvoo. (A month ago we selected four hymns that related to the places we would visit on our journey to learn together as a family, a way to help internalize some of what we would experience.) We read the history of Nauvoo and recounted the story of the rebuilding of the Nauvoo Temple.

In Nauvoo we enjoyed visiting the various shops and homes and learning about the lives of the saints during that era. We marveled at the beauty of the temple. We took pictures. The girls enjoyed getting cookies and bricks and rings made of nails.

Most of all, I marveled at all that was sacrificed to follow the Lord. I reflected on how many people were willing to sell businesses, property and homes, to leave family, friends, and all that they knew to join with the saints and create a whole new life. I noted how the Lord brought the knowledge, skills, and expertise needed into the community through the converts who arrived. And, most of all, I learned about how sacrifice is always required in life, but it is willingness to sacrifice, to do whatever the Lord commands, to not second-guess or put one's own desires first that makes all the difference.

Yesterday, I felt some despair, but the gift of today, of Carthage and Nauvoo, was hope and peace.