So, in the spirit of making a true confessional, here is the reality of my situation: I have no friends.
I have no family nearby.
I have no social life.
My sense of connection to other people (outside of my immediate family, of course) has devolved to checking the Facebook status and blogs of friends -- who live in various parts of the country far, far away from Idaho -- on my ipad and new iphone (which I must say truly is a great device).
Really, this is rather pathetic.
And, even worse, is that I read these little, tiny snippets and experience constant twinges of jealousy. Small events, stupid things really, that I wish I could be present for and participating in.
It may be even more pathetic because I don't even leave comments. I don't participate in the process. These virtual "friends" that I have don't even know I am there.
I have hit that really hard part of moving and settling in. The rush and craziness of arriving in a new place and unpacking has waned. I am not so new that people are seeking me out to introduce themselves anymore. But, I don't really know anyone. I don't have any real friends. Everything about my life feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
I know that it just takes time; I know things will improve. But, this is the hard part.
To be honest, I am grateful that even though I don't have a real life, I do have an iLife. I have this electronic means of maintaining a sense of connection to and investment in so many people that I really do care about.
I have moved enough times to know what usually happens to former friends; they become just that "former." I do a lousy job keeping up with people, even those that I really, sincerely want to keep up with and deeply care about. We exchange Christmas cards, visit periodically, but that is about it. And, truly, it kinda has to be. There are only so many relationships that I can maintain.
At least my iLife allows me to stay more connected, to feel like I still know something about my friends, like I am still in someway a part of their lives. Which I like.
The problem is, I am not really a part of their lives. And, I have no real life.
Just a sorry excuse for an electronic one.
3 comments:
Welcome to Idaho! Don't forget that you have a second cousin here, and one more thing: it gets better!
I'm with you Emily! I was super excited to see you updated btw. But yeah, our ward is super nice and we still keep in contact with people from Manassas, but it sure doesn't feel like home here yet. We were in Manassas for a baptism in Sept and it was so great to see people that knew us, that we could be ourselves around, and that were excited to see the kids. I guess it just takes time. I can't expect to have the feel of ten years of friendship when it's only been five months.
I remember and this was probably years ago (ok maybe one or two) and you and I just had a quick conversation on adjusting to new wards and how when you moved here to VA you made that a priority to reach out started music classes, book groups, dinners etc. and look at what resulted from that? You have so many friends not just friends but dear friends and memories and great moments and everything. So just do the same out there in Idaho that you did out here and you'll be fine... more than fine! And I completely understand how technology provides a great way to keep in touch... but it doesn't replace those in life personal person to person relationships.
and people need to stop moving away from the ward... we've lost a lot of great families this past year...
~melissa
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