The Perfect Bribe

I have been searching for an item that is so very coveted, so highly desirable that Maggie will be convinced to never venture out of her bed again, just to ensure that she can receive it.

Apparently, the draw of sleeping right in between her mom and dad, with her round, hard head firmly lodged into one's back and her little, active feet kicking the other's stomach, is incredibly strong.

Maggie's sleeping arrangement has been a real struggle that pits the good, the bad, and the ugly sides of my parenting practices against one another.

The thing is, in my defense, that sleep deprivation can do crazy things to your mind.

As I have spent a lot of time over the last year unable to sleep through the night myself, due to the side effects of pregnancy and nursing, it is only lately that I have gained enough energy to even try to address the issues with Maggie.

I have had rational conversations about the reasons mom and dad do not want her in our bed.

I have threatened.

I have raised my voice and yelled at her in the middle of the night, which never does any of us any good as we both end up in tears and I have mountains of guilt in the morning.

I have tried to convince her to just lay on the floor next to me.

I have tried to put her back in her bed and lovingly kiss her goodnight, over and over and over again.

I have even toyed with the idea of locking her door so she cannot escape, but it is just not consistent with my true feelings about parenting (I want to be available to her, just only for real emergencies during the night, not an irrational need for a human punching bag).

And, I have spent hours in the middle of the night helplessly watching her cry and scream through another one of her night terrors.

So, sick of an aching back, a grouchy husband, and an inability to think clearly because I rarely get more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep, I have fallen back on the quintessential tool available to all desperate parents: bribery.

We go to the store; Maggie sees a toy she would like, and I say, "If you can sleep in your own bed for a week, I will buy that for you."

I have tried to play off her love of sugar offering a lollipop, fruit snacks, or almost any other possible treat in the mornings in she will just stay in bed.

But, none of my bribes have worked. Until Wednesday.

Wednesday Jeffrey and I took the girls along to mutual at the church. Mia and Maggie watched a show in a small room during the event, and actually did quite well with minimal parental supervision.

Later that evening as we were putting Maggie to bed, Jeffrey inquired, "Maggie, what are you chewing?"

"Gum," Maggie replied.

"Where did you get the gum?"

Now Mia chimed in, "Oh, she found that green gum stuck under the table at the church."

EWWWWWWWWW!

Of course, this was enough to put Jeffrey over the edge. He snatched the gum out of Maggie's mouth and began noticeably gagging.

As I tried to keep him from hyperventilating or beginning some extreme mouth cleansing ritual, Maggie ran into the hall, let out a blood curdling scream, threw herself on the ground, and began to pound her hands and fists on the floor, shouting, "I love gum! I love gum! I love gum!"

And, instantly, I knew. I smiled at the chaos, walked down the stairs and called over my shoulder, "I'll buy you some gum if you will stay in bed."

And, I did. Purple gum. After three out of five nights without Maggie in my bed, I have only one thing to say: I too love gum.