A Mixed Basket

Easter this year was mixed. Happy moments and downers. It was a litmus test for how I feel about holidays in Virginia in general.

The good:

We had a fun Easter egg hunt with the kids. We always do a hunt with clues to find their baskets, but this year Jeffrey decided to do "picture clues" inside the eggs rather than little rhymes. The kids loved it. Then, since we had not done any other egg hunts (as we have in past years) I scattered some more eggs on the lawn out front for the girls to collect.

General Conference provided a quiet, less harried Sunday experience. Most of our Sundays are anything but relaxing.

Yummy family brunch with filled swedish pancakes and bacon.

It was calm. No running around; we were in control.

The bad:

We missed out on any family time this year. I knew out in Utah everyone was having fun and hunting for Uncle Mike's golden eggs filled with $20 and $50. We were just home alone.

I scrapped Easter dinner. After brunch, and without any guests planned, I just lost the energy to do it. We had come back into town the night before, and I was tired. So we delayed until Monday our ham and potatoes. I think we ate nachos.

No church program, which I love. No chance to dress up in Easter dresses and get the girls all pretty. PJs all day.

The Clue:
Finding the Egg:

Baskets at the End:

Hunting for Eggs:





This is how it was. And, really, that is kind of how it is every holiday.

I like the fact that I feel like I have control over our holiday schedules. I like to be the one to come up with and host the special events. Living in Utah it constantly felt like a juggling act, like being pulled too many directions. I remember Mother's Days where I did not have one relaxing, special minute because we spent the whole day racing around trying to give well wishes to grandmas. I hated that. I'm a mom too. Most likely, the mom most in need of a break.

Plus, it often felt like the preceding generation had a hard time transferring some of the initiative and responsibility for holidays and celebrations along to the "kids." (By kids, I mean adults in their thirties like me.) When I was growing up it was my parents and aunts and uncles more than my grandparents who hosted and planned the family gatherings. Now, it often has seemed like it is all about the grandparents and we are supposed to just show up and go along. I am ready to be the adult and the parent, not the kid anymore. So, living out here, away from family, can be nice in some ways. I get to be the decision-maker.

At the same time, lest I sound like an ingrate for all the efforts of our extended families, I can't tell you how often I would love to just tag along for a holiday. Sometimes, I don't want to take any initiative; I don't want the responsibility. I want someone else to take care of planning and executing the fun and just show up.

That is the thing. Whether or not we have something fun to do, whether or not the day is a success, whether or not the holiday is even acknowledged, comes down to only one person now: me. And sometimes, like when we return from a trip late the night before, I just don't want to do it. I long to be a slacker and let someone else make the day a success for me and the kids.

Plus, I do miss the family. Even though it can be crazy, I enjoy the family time. Some holidays are just meant to be shared -- particularly with family. Being away can be very lonely, and I can feel quite isolated.

So, what do I do? Is there a perfect option? I don't know. Maybe, no matter what, no matter where we live, holidays will just be a mix of good and bad, of fun and work. At least that is my summary for Easter this year: a mixed bag, or perhaps more appropriately, a mixed basket.